A Day in the Life of Me

Life These Days...My New Journey in the TBI/PTSD World

2011-10-19T06:09:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I haven't posted in a while. Life continues to be a roller coaster but for the most part I wouldn't change it. Loving my new married life with the greatest guy in the world. Loving the life of being a published author. Loving my kids and the fact that I do not hesitate to go Mama on anyone who has a negative impact on any of them.

My oldest has good days and bad days. Everyone who suffers from PTSD or a TBI does. He has both, along with epilepsy and short term memory loss. Still, he came home and I thank God every day for that. These days, I'm writing a journal for my two year old grandson. I want him to know the parts of his dad that he never saw, being just a little one and all. His dad as a child, his dad as a teen, his dad as a HERO. I want him to see the 14 yr old who came up to me one day while we were living on base and said he had chosen his future son's name and why.

I have become active in a local support group that allows moms. I was thrilled. Plus there is a wonderful one online called Familyofavet. Check them out, they are awesome AND they recognize that parents are part of the family, too.

So here's a short post to let you know I'm back to writing on this thing. Have a wonderful day. Remember to thank a service member if you cross paths with one. They make sacrifices even after they come home.

In Honor of 9/11: He is My Hero: Memoirs of a Soldier's Mom

2011-09-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

My book He is My Hero: Memoirs of a Soldier's Mom is now out on Amazon. The ebook version is available and the paperback version will be ready by the weekend.

As we remember the tenth anniversary of that fateful day, please remember to say a prayer for the families who lost loved ones. Thank a firefighter or police officer if you see him or her. Thank a member of the Armed Forces or a veteran.

I vividly remember that day. My brother called me because he had heard the news of a plane flying into one of the Twin Towers. Suddenly, the channel I had been watching Regis and Kathie Lee on turned to the tragedy. As I watched the video, another plane flew into the second tower. I, along with millions across the country, realized at the exact same moment: This is no accident, we are being attacked!

We lost fellow Americans and citizens from other countries who were here that day. We lost firefighters and police officers as they helped. We lost fellow Americans who heard from family about the planes and took their own plane back from terrorists as they made the ultimate sacrifice in order to not have another building with innocent citizens destroyed.

Others lost loved ones. We lost our fellow Americans but the ultimate loss was to those who lost a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, a friend, a LOVED ONE. Please take a moment of silence and say a prayer for them as Sunday will surely be painful even as they cling to the beautiful memories of their loved ones before that life-changing day.

As a country, we were attacked. As a country, we heeded the call. 2,996 people died that day, including 19 attackers. Since then, we have lost over 6,000 in Iraq and Afghanistan. There are more than 320,000 physical brain injuries among soldiers and veterans, including my son, thanks to constant explosions and attacks.

If you are going through the deployment of a loved one, please know this: you are NOT alone. We are here for you through prayer, conversation and understanding. The book was my therapeutic way to get through my son's deployment, his TBI and the time afterwards. I hope you find it helpful as well.

Loving Life and Planting Seeds

2010-10-25T11:15:00.001-07:00

Loving life, loving life, loving life.

I have several friends going through relationship issues. I truly feel for them. I've been there. Most adults have, right?

I look back over life and there is only one relationship I regret and that is the last one. But every other relationship in my life meant something. Whether I was blessed with a marriage, a child, a memory, a lesson, a friend for life, they were all worthy of having.

Today I am still a woman. I am still a mother. I'm a wife again. I'm a grandmother. I proudly stood up in class this year proclaiming my age and the story of my stroke. I received applause.

I won't lie to you. I know I'm close to 50, I'm 47. I'm not a spring chicken but I do get told I look much younger that my age. I'm working, I'm writing, I'm walking (again). I love walking in the fall and winter.

Date nights are those spent watching the Rangers make history with my son or slow dancing with my husband. Early mornings are filled with writing and working on the final stages of a huge dream of mine that takes off by the end of the week.

Having my husband's young nieces run up and hug me brings back memories of another girl that age, my beautiful Force of Nature who recently married the love of her life. I don't talk much about my kids online anymore. That last relationship cured me of that. No, he wasn't someone from somewhere else. He was someone local who hacked my family from his work while we were living together.

God really does bless us in the end. He gives us the ones we are meant to be with. When you are truly happy in life, you wish the same for others, past relationships, people of opposite voting opinions, people who spout off stuff you disagree with, whatever the case.

I look around and what I see are three adult children living their lives as a combat veteran, a college student and a military bride. I see a man I lived down the road from as a teenager looking into my eyes and telling me he is the lucky one. (He's wrong, I am the one who got lucky.)

If you are worried about something, take heart. Things turn around, they get better. A little girl with cancer teaches me that every day. A strong husband with his arm around me shows me that every morning and every evening. A son with a brain injury and constant VA nightmares are dealt with because he DID come again. A teenager on the street thanking me for picking her as she sat crying by the road lets me know that yes, life comes with risks but in the end it is so very much worth it.

Love is a rose...and yes...sometimes you CAN pick it. Just make sure you pay it forward and replant the seeds.

Some Thoughts

2010-10-11T03:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so if you're looking for a place to complain, you may want to skip this post. If you're looking for a place full of love, hope and miracles, then keep reading.

First, my dreams. I am following them and they are opening me up to avenues I never would have expected. I have been freelancing for nearly 3 years. I have found a place in writing that humbles me beyond words...I am writing for and WITH children. I'll never be Danielle Steel or James Patterson or Dr. Seuss, but having children look forward to being with me and doing a writing project with me? Well, if you know me, you know what's next...it's an Oscar Moment in Time.

Second, my children. I have found a strength I never knew I possessed. I have dealt with blows I did not believe I could live through, yet the Man upstairs has always been there even when I doubted that. I have stood up to the VA system and continue to do so. I have been respectful but I have gone Mama on them, too, when I knew my child needed me to. With a beautiful young lady about to get married, a wonderful young man enjoying the full college experience and a combat vet who fought for his country without question, only to be questioned every step of his journey about even being in the military, I know that I am blessed.

When a young woman hugs me and tells me she wishes I was her mother, when a young man in the foster program touches my heart so that I begin praying to God if this is a sign, when little girls beg to live with me or others tease with me about my love for cats while still others allow me to join in their soccer games, I know I am blessed.

Third, my health. Four years ago, I had a mini-stroke. Since then, I have dealt with the occasional numbness, my left leg persistently bothers me even as I stubbornly power walk, my memory lapses frustrate me but I am here. My mom calls it being stubborn, I call it faith that I am here today. In the last four years I have been through a war of my own and yet also came out with a special gift, which leads me to "fourth".

Fourth, my relationships. I have gotten back in touch with friends from childhood, friends from blogging, friends from church, friends from family. Some have looked me up, some I have looked up. All have brought new gifts and old memories alive in my life. I was in a relationship that was dominating and hurtful for over a year and in order to protect my family and friends from being hacked (as he did my children and my mother), I stayed away from them. But I gained the strength with the help of a good friend to find the force of nature within my own self to say "ENOUGH!" and because of that, I am now in the most wonderful relationship I could have asked for, a man of strength and character and faith who protects me, loves me, honors me and is my best friend, my husband.

So what I have left to say is this: follow your dreams no matter what your age. Enjoy your children if they pester you to make cookies or watch a cartoon or color with them because they grow up way too fast. Take care of your body and keep your faith (and yes, being stubborn does help). Do not waste time in a relationship that makes you sad or belittles you or makes you feel bad because a real relationship is where 2 people cheer each other on, enjoy being together and think that each other is everything. I know because hubby thinks Brad Paisley's song "She's Everything to Me" is about us...and so do I, just as I think "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts is.

Remember if you are going through a battle or losing something you think you want: Sometimes, God says "no" in order to tell us "yes".

Our 3 Month Anniversary

2010-09-19T14:04:00.000-07:00

Today is the three-month anniversary of when hubby and I wed. Yesterday at a charity function I volunteer for, a friend asked me how married life was. I said "Wonderful. He so spoils me!" She said she could see it in his eyes when he looks at me. She sees it in my eyes, too. Perhaps Don Williams said it best? (I changed the her to him for us. )

Lying here beside him I've come to understand
If you want to be happy you can.
It don't take living like a king,
It doesn't cost you anything.
All it takes is a woman and a man.

Because it's who you love and who loves you
It's not where you are if he's there, too.
It's not who you know or what you do
It's who you love and who loves you.

My entire adult life, I have worked hard to make sure I am giving: to my family, to my partner, to my little part of the world and even beyond. I'm not perfect by any means, and I have had special friendships (Randy & Becky, Skunk, my church family are some), but overall there has many a day or night when I felt alone even if I wasn't. But in July, 2009, I heard God tell me "the one" was about to come into my life just as surely as he did when He told me my son would be home from Iraq one Easter several years ago. I began talking to a man who had been my neighbor as a teenager 30 years ago. We spoke as friends, talking about our lives and dating at our age.

This modern world we live in is a sad state of affairs.
Everybody wants what isn't theirs.
While in the race for money and success
in search of happiness
We turn out the light and go upstairs.

Because it's who you love and who loves you
It's not where you are if he's there, too.
It's not who you know or what you do
It's who you love and who loves you.

Although released in 1975, this song fits perfect in our world today. I've shed more than my fair share of tears over a VA system that acknowledges my son has a brain injury but says "oh well, we can't 100% know it's from the war even though you never experienced problems before Iraq and your family has documentation of seeking help even while you were still an active soldier" (paraphrased).

But I have a husband who looks upon that young man proudly, of his younger brother at a wonderful college and their younger sister following a nursing dream. I have a husband who is ethical and caring and faithful, both to me and God. I have the best of the best.

So we hold each other tight
As we own the world tonight.
Cause love is all that matters anyway.
Because it's who you love and who loves you.
It's not where you are if he's there, too.
It's not who you know or what you do.
It's who you love and who loves you.

Happy 3-Month anniversary, Sweetie. I love you.

Nine Years Later

2010-09-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

Early this morning, I wanted to write about the anniversary of Sept. 11. I did not want to take away from how life-changing on so many levels that day was by giving free exposure to certain events that were suppose to happen that have been in the news lately so I decided I would do two things in this post: first, acknowledge the victims and the heroes of that day and second, since this is my blog, tell how it changed my life.

To the families of the victims of 9/11, I have come to realize something. Not only did you lose loved ones that day, but you yourselves were victims. Your lives were changed, loved ones died heroically just going to work in an office or for an airline, going on a trip, diverting a plane into a field so there were less victims than originally planned or putting on a police, rescue or fire fighter uniform that day. I know this day is painful for you and I extend to you my deepest sympathy even today.

Because of that, other lives were changed. Children and adults suffered from nightmares, teenagers were sent to war on the front lines and even more heroes were lost and wounded in combat defending our country.

My family did not lose a loved one that day but our country was attacked and we will forever hold this day in our hearts just as we do Pearl Harbor, Vietnam, Korea and those from history books and generations past.

My son went to war. I remember telling him that morning nine years ago that I did not want him to go to basic, which was already scheduled for three weeks from then, and he told me it was more important than ever that he go because America was his country. He now has a brain injury and PTSD because he never faltered when ordered to go.

In the last nine years, my children have grown up like so many in our country, the siblings of a war hero (they are ALL heroes to me). We have struggled like so many with a depressed economy, fears and anger, a new battle at home with the VA system and I have been dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome.

In the past nine years, I have gone from a single parent to a grandmother of a beautiful young boy who is the spitting image of that same combat veteran son, given the name his father had decided on for his future child when he was barely a teenager.

I have a son dealing with a brain injury from war, a younger son going to a well known Texas college and a beautiful Force of Nature daughter starting a nursing school dream.

This morning, at 9:29, I received a text while on break with several co-workers.

Will you marry me?

It was from my husband, another big change in my life. No longer a single parent, I am now the luckiest woman in the world when it comes to love. My friends tell me they see how he looks at me, my children know he is the real deal and my mother completely approves. And he still proposes even though we are married.

There are a lot of things about the past nine years that I wish I could change. The attack on our country. The heroes lost. Loved ones gone for friends, family and strangers everywhere whether they are gone because of 9-11 or something completely different. My son's battle scars, both physical and mental. Some of my decisions as a parent.

As I showed my co-workers the text and wrote back Yes, I knew there was one thing I would not change and that was Albert and our love.

Golden Years, Platinum Life.

2010-08-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

In three years, I will be starting my "Golden Years". That's how I and many people I know see turning 50. Personally? Honestly? It really does not bother me the way it does so many people I have talked to.

In the past, two of my friends have had a hard time with milestone birthdays. Turning 30 sent one to a psychiatric facility. Turning 40 had one literally refuse to get out of bed for a week. To me, turning 30 meant two months later my oldest would be going through a milestone of his own: a double digit birthday as he turned 10. Turning 40 meant cancelling plans I had to go on a cruise with the one who had spent her 40th in bed for a week. Why? Because my oldest was in a war zone in Iraq.

Don't misunderstand me. I can occasionally feel the effects of being middle-aged. I don't run as fast as I used to as our big softball game attested to but I still contributed with an RBI (run batted in). I still play soccer with grade school children who literally light up when I ask if I can join in. This tells me parents need to interact outdoors with their kids if at all possible. Family night should not always be in front of a television.

The other day I was having a conversation with a woman my age. She asked how I kept my positive thinking about aging. I told her quite simply that I am turning 21 again.

This does not mean I don't sit quietly at times and wish for the days when my own three adult children were younger, I do. I miss the little boy in kindergarten who said "I love you, tough noodles, Mommy, and that's the most you can love anybody!" My older son. :)

I miss the little six year old boy who cried and said he would never put Mommy in a nursing home and even as a young man has stated he would make sure I was provided for by saying when he got a job after college he was going to set me up in my own one-bedroom apartment. His smile of approval as he was told we were getting married, asking questions in reverse like a father instead of a son showed his care for his mom. My younger son. :)

I miss the little girl who cried for Mommy when she woke up at the hospital and saw Daddy. Even as he was there to watch over our baby girl while I ran home to take a break with the boys and do some things for them, he had to call me to return as she needed Mommy.

That little boy in kindergarten grew up to fight for his country just as he always felt protective of his mother and siblings. He encouraged me to take up writing again and to follow my dreams.

That younger son listens to Mom when she has a rough day even when he's 200 miles away and tells her to heat up a hot pocket, turn on the TV and put her feet up because she deserves it.

That baby girl does not let people run over her, having the same stubborn nature her mother does, and even when it's directed at Mom, no one could be more proud than I am of her.

My "Golden Years" are nearly here. But right now, I'm living a Platinum life as I start a new journey "turning 21 again" with the love of my life. Even my mother says he is truly the love of my life and that we were always meant to be together.

Yeah, I love my Platinum Life.

Thank You, God.

Elvis Has Left the Building

2010-08-16T06:03:00.000-07:00

With all the anniversary acknowledgement of Elvis Presley's death 33 years ago today, I thought I would share a short post about that day myself.

I remember listening to Elvis songs and watching Elvis movies with my mom, even as a little girl. I remember in 6th grade getting a stereo and the 50 Million Fans Can't Be Wrong album that Christmas. My mom really liked Elvis and told me about one time back in the late 50s or early 60s when he had been in east Texas for a concert.

Fast forward to a warm summer day in 1977. I had spent the summer in east Texas with cousins. I was back in north central Texas preparing for my first year of high school. I was outside talking to friends. I came inside and saw my mom sitting in a chair, quietly crying. I asked her what was wrong.

"Elvis Presley died."

In all honesty, it did not hit me the way it did so many of his fans. I did like his music. I enjoyed his movies, but my idea of a music legend was Donny & Marie on Friday nights when there wasn't a "home game" at the football field.

What bothered me the most that day was not his untimely death at the age of 42 but the fact that my mother was sad, which meant she was hurting. I believe that is why the day stands out so clearly in my memory today.

Elvis was definitely an incredible talent. I still enjoy catching his movies or listening to his songs even today. Taking my three children to visit Graceland back in 1999 brought the realization to me that they were a lot like I was back in 1977.

I remember crying when Conway Twitty died. I remember crying when George Strait's daughter died. I even cried when Brittany Murphy died because my daughter and I watched several of her movies together as the Force of Nature was a fan.

And a little over a year ago, I sadly whispered goodbye when someone else died, someone who's famous poster was on my wall back in 1977 at the time of Elvis' death. Someone who's hair style was copied by me that same year. Someone who I liked as an actress and who showed incredible courage during her battle with cancer. Someone who's death was overshadowed that same day by another music icon who had his own share of fans. If you were ever a fan, you know I speak of Farrah Fawcett.

Still, today marks the 33rd anniversary of the death of the King of Rock and Roll. My sympathy again goes out to his fans, to his beloved daughter and to the grandchildren he never knew who most certainly know all about him.

He may have left the building but something tells me he's still looking over those he loved.

Four Years Ago Today

2010-08-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

Four years ago today, I had a stroke. People still tell me they can not believe it. When my friend Tony was telling my church friends about it, they said they still found it absolutely astounding.

That day was a Crossroads in my life. I may not have realized it at the time but it was. I still remember the feeling of having no regrets if I had gone that night. In all honesty, there have been times when I sort of wish that had happened. A couple of things in my life seriously went South but now I have to say I'm really one of the luckiest people alive.

I have always loved writing. I put it away for a while and took it up again when my oldest left for Iraq. It has been my source of calm so many times. Still, there have been situations in my life where someone who professes to love me has literally tried to remove that passion from my life.

My husband is not that person. He is a gift, he is a blessing, he is a cheerleader and a leader. He is my strength, my advisor, my best friend.

I have felt a little antsy all day. When I realized what day it was, I knew that was why. Today I am a woman who has survived a great deal in life but I have a lot more to experience. I'm me, just me, and I am not about to change for anyone. Even if my Mama rage embarrasses my kids, even if my truthful documentation embarrasses the V.A., even if the end of my journey releases the bondage of truth as it should and will for all of us, I am not about to change.

Four years ago, I had a stroke. Today I am 47. I'm not going anywhere. My life is beginning a new journey and I am settling in for a long ride.

Wanna join me?

Chelsea Clinton's Wedding

2010-08-02T01:20:00.000-07:00

The internet and all forms of media from television to radio have been abuzz this week with Chelsea Clinton's wedding. Once again, there have been derisive comments about how this person was not invited or that media circus could not get in. This person of absolutely no importance to the former first family has this to say:

Good for her.

Chelsea Clinton requested something perfectly logical and fair: that her wedding be HER wedding. As a new bride myself just six weeks ago, I can tell you that planning a wedding, even with an in-charge Mom and a wonderful maid-of-honor, can still be stressful on the bride, and I wasn't even in a position of worrying if I should invite the President or this celebrity or that politician.

It wasn't about them. It was about the day that brought the bride and groom to a new journey in life, going from friends to sweethearts to fiances to spouses. It was about the day that both will look back upon as being about them. It was about the day that hopefully, they will be able to describe to their future children.

As our Pastor told me and my then-fiance, the wedding day was all about the bride. And a bride in love is all about making it the perfect day for her and her guy.

One day years ago, our 42nd President and his wife stood before the country and made a request: Do and say what you will about us but leave our daughter out of it (paraphrased). We respected that wish then. This week, Chelsea stood firm in her wishes for her wedding.

No matter what our political affiliations or opinions of Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton, it seems one thing can be readily agreed upon: they did good when it came to raising Chelsea.

So while this may never be seen or heard of by the former first family, a newly married middle-aged lady in Texas sends her congratulations and sincere best wishes to the newly married couple.

Congratulations, Mark and Chelsea. May your marriage be a long and happy one.

Conversation with Hubby

2010-07-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, it's been an eventful week in our home. Hubby has been to the doctor and to the ER this week, where they gave him a breathing treatment and figured out he had a reaction to a medication he was on. Thanks to the Man above, he's already doing better, especially being off that medication.

So, I'm gearing up for tonight's show. I just made the family spaghetti for dinner. In a few minutes, I'm going to run up and fill my younger son's car with gas for a trip to the VA hospital tomorrow for the older one's appt. Then I'm home for the evening. This is the conversation with hubby:

"You know what? I'm fixing to go gas up Jeremy's car. Then you know what? I'm going to do the dinner dishes. Then you know what? I'm going to finish the dishes. Then you know what? I'm going to get ready for Live Eviction."

No comment.

"You do know what show we're watching at 7, right?"

He looks at me.

"Twilight Zone?"

It's a good thing he melts my butter or he would be in major trouble.

A New Meaning to Me Found in Rascal Flatts' Bless the Broken Road Song

2010-07-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how songs and their meanings can change or affect you differently when you are in love? I have always loved Rascal Flatts but never took their song Bless the Broken Road to heart the way I do now.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Honestly, when a person is really with the person that they are truly meant to be with, everything changes. What I didn't suspect, however, was how when something is really meant to be, those signs are evident constantly. Like living just down the road as teenagers. Like knowing the same people from our younger years. Like certain names that affected both of us.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Everyone at my age and younger and older, has more than likely had other romances that went wrong before being with the one they are with. My hubby and I were both married before. We have both had relationships end not so well. Even if it hurts, I have always found it fairly easy to move on unlike a couple that have been unable to do so with me. Still, those two of the "stalking" variety only made it even more plain that we were not meant to be. And I would only wish the best on any past relationship...that if they are half in love or as happy with their partners as I am with my husband, then they are blessed indeed.

I had a person ask me the other day anonymously (hmm) if I were still in love with any of my exes. I could hands-down, on the Bible, in my heart and in public, honestly answer no. I did put that I still have special feelings for a close friend who has been an on-again, off-again relationship for close to 30 years but not in an "in love" way.

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Sometimes I do think about how 30 years ago, our lives could have gone on a different path. But my husband really does smile, take my hand and tell me that he is simply grateful we are finally together at last, and that he has three stepchildren and a precious grandson that are added bonuses. Then he tells me our time together is just beginning as he then plays a song played at our wedding by Alan Jackson: Stroll Over Heaven With You.

He's right. Thirty years is nothing compared to eternity.

I love you, Hubby.

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you."

My Favorite Actor

2010-07-23T06:20:00.000-07:00

Guess who I saw last night? Come on, guess? No, it has nothing to do with Big Brother ALTHOUGH my mother called me and said she thinks I'm right that Kathy and Britney might be mother and daughter.

No, this is about my favorite actor ever. My crush. The one I hit an 86% match on Hubby's Love-O-Matic game on the IPOD. The one I absolutely adore even though he's my mother's age.

Yep, you guessed it. (Or not.)

Peter Strauss.

He was on Royal Pains and I yelled with excitement. Hubby caught my crush first-hand. Then he looks at him and says, "Do you really think I look like him?" I said "Yes, without your goatee, you definitely would but it doesn't matter...he's my crush...you're the love of my life."

With that assurance, he turned over and went to sleep. LOL. Yeah, Peter Strauss looks good for his age. And I enjoyed seeing him back on television, even if it was only for an hour.

He Got Me

2010-07-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so yesterday, Hubby got me good.

You know how I have this phrase "I love you tough noodles"? It's from when my oldest was 5 and said he loved me tough noodles cause it was the most you could love anyone and my macaroni didn't cook all the way through when I made him macaroni and cheese.

Sometimes Hubby tries to get me with that before I can. One of us will say "I love you" and the other will say "I love you tough noodles". I say that to several close friends as well as it being said in my family.

So here is yesterday's conversation:

Me: I'm loving you

Hubby: I'm loving you, too, Babe.

Me: I love you tough noodles.

Hubby (without missing a beat): I love you Big Brother.

We had to laugh. He loves me enough to put up with Big Brother.

He got me.

Last Night

2010-07-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

So last night, Hubby got his initiation. We had awesome chicken fajitas at my Mom's. So far, I'm definitely in the corner of the Decatur guy. Hey, I'm a Texas gal.

Oh, and what did Hubby have to say about it?

"No one warned me I was going to have to contact the State Hospital."

You should have seen the look on his face when he was told the first episode is always the one with the least surprises.

Yeah, Hubby, expect the unexpected is the theme for Big Brother and for me during Big Brother. Love you!

Countdown to BB

2010-07-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

My mom called me this morning with a message from my brother: 9 hours to Big Brother. Yeah, he's a fan, too, whether he wants to admit it or not. I had to text him though, when she said that she told him he couldn't watch it unless he mowed the yard. Considering he's 40, I had to laugh.

He may get a reprieve on that...it just started pouring down.

My mom is making wonderfully delicious chicken fajitas that will be ready at 6:45. We have time to make our plates before settling down for Episode One.

I love my hubby. I love my family.

I love Big Brother, too. Oh well, 2 out of 3 making sense works, right?

Hubby's Initiation into Big Brother Night

2010-07-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

Hi, all. I'm sharing with you something that will make some of you laugh out loud. But only if you really know me and only if you really know how big a fan I am of Big Brother.

My hubby is getting initiated Thursday night.

Yep, that's right. My mom called me last week and said we needed to all be together for the premiere of Big Brother on July 8, because my guy is going to need a support system. Since he is now part of the family, she thought it only right that everyone get him through the first episode. Nope, he's never watched it. Even more, he's never watched ME watch it.

He knows how I am about soccer as Jeremy and I text back and forth to each other during the World Cup game that knocked out the USA. He knows how I am about football as I asked him if he believed a mom can turn around a Super Bowl game so her son's favorite team can win. He knows how I am about softball and baseball as he kept watch on the sidelines with his camera, taking "blackmail" shots as he put it. (By the way, my team won 13-12. I didn't score either time at bat but I did get an RBI...run batted in and we did win by one so I helped, too!) I even converse with my mom from time to time as Survivor is her favorite of the reality shows.

Now, last year, I nearly disbanded myself from Big Brother but they proved to be patriotic after all when they ejected someone who "dissed" the victims of 9/11. Yes, I was one of thousands who called in complaining about that player. I also happily watched as she was escorted out of the game. You don't laugh about what happened to us that day and treat it as a joke. I've got a brave son with a TBI because of that attack on our country. I vowed to never watch Big Brother again till we found out that player would be leaving on the next episode.

So here I am, just as big a fan as ever, and I already have a favorite unless he proves to be either a) a jerk or b) the person who is set to sabotage the game. It's a guy from Decatur, Texas and I have already informed hubby that everyone in the family gets to choose their favorite player but that everyone better choose the Texas guy. LOL. It's the closest player to my town that has been in the game. I'm really excited about that.

Oh, and hubby promised me a trip or a cruise next summer unless I get picked for the next Big Brother. One of these days I should at least qualify for the old person, don't you think?

Well, I better go do some exercising. Sitting in front of a computer freelancing has put on the weight. Just the fact that hubby loves me as I am makes me want to do a complete makeover just for him. I love you, Hubby.

TBIs, Epilepsy and the VA System

2010-06-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

I must tell you that married life is absolutely wonderful. I have the greatest husband God could have ever given me. He's turning out to be a wonderful stepfather as well.

This post, however, is about an issue that those of you who know me know I battle with constantly. The VA and more specifically today, TBIs and Epilepsy. So to the VA, to Katie Couric, to anyone who is interested in contacting me for my family's story, which I am in the process of writing, feel free to email me at monica_newton_writer@yahoo.com

TBIs and epilepsy are becoming the Agent Orange of this war. I know because my son has both. And I knew this even long before a doctor told us (well, except for the epilepsy part, that part was a shock).

Our troops are awesome. I love them all dearly. They give a blank check to our country and pay for it sometimes with their very lives, and often with injuries both physical and mental. But the one-time legal assistant in me from years ago out in California is carefully doing research, making sure everything that has happened with my son is documented and should anyone choose to hear me in Congress, I will be glad to travel there and tell my son's story.

How did I know about his TBI? Because it had been put on my heart by God that something was wrong. Yet every time I tried to get help for him, we were rejected until I went Mama. Now that can embarrass a kid till he or she has one of their own. Then they understand it a little better.

But the first time a person asked me if my son "pretended" to be a military vet, I was furious. The next fifteen months were filled with shock and the dawning of reality. On March 15, 2007, when my hometown paper released the article out of Oklahoma City, I finally got my son the recognition he deserved as a veteran simply by threatening to go to the media myself.

When a young man walks away from his car and doesn't remember, it's a sign. When a young man comes home and begins having mood swings, nightmares, sleeping problems, memory loss, headaches, flashbacks, it's a sign. When friends and family consistently remark that they miss the "old" family member, it's a sign. When the VA system treats the veteran and his family like they are a nuisance, it's a slap in the face.

Learning to deal with what a TBI and epilepsy is not easy. Coming to terms with the fact that the VA system tries to run out a person's time to get treated properly and respect what the veteran has been through is even harder to deal with.

Years ago, I wrote that my faith was not in the leaders of my country so much as it is in Man upstairs. While I feel privileged to live in a country where I can speak my mind respectfully without fear of imprisonment for disagreeing with those in office, I still, in the end, am just a mom.

I find it timely that Katie Couric and 60 Minutes held a segment on epilepsy, that a television series has a character going through what my son is in such a way that I can actually visualize it is him there instead. Both episodes were Sunday night. But maybe, just maybe, both shows will help others to step up and fight for their rights.

Just make sure you do so legally. Keep the faith and be respectful yet let them know that you will not be bullied or thrown away. Our battle has been going on for four years and my son is still fighting for his benefits. He brought home PTSD, a TBI and epilepsy. He brought home an Army Commendation medal for his exceptional meritorious service as a Fire Support specialist and a driver. He drove high ranking officials, including a general, in the midst of Sadr City and exploding IEDs.

He did come home alive and I am so grateful to the Man upstairs for that. I just want him to know that it wasn't a sin to come home alive and that he has earned the right to get help for his own injuries.

If my son had been born with a birth defect of any kind, I would still love him and fight for his right to be treated fairly. As a soldier, he fought for this country and the friends, family and strangers he never even knew.

He was already enlisted when 9/11 happened and was about to leave for basic. As a mother, I said, "Let's try to get you out of this, Son." As a young man of 18 who had always been very respectful and caring of those around him, he said "I can't do that, Mom. My country needs me more than ever."

In March, 2003, I again begged him before he left for the Middle East. All I could think about was saving my son. Yet he again said no. He said he had to go with his comrades and help them make it home because they were his friends and "America is mine."

The thing is? Seriously? If he had it to do all over again? My son would still have gone and fought for his country. THAT is the difference between the veterans and the VA system itself. How can I do anything other than stand up and try to be half the battle buddy he needs now that he was then? Because I am seriously considering hiring an attorney to help him with his claim now.

A Cheer for U.S. on the World Cup

2010-06-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of disparagement going on regarding what is my all-time favorite sport so it is only right that I prove that and speak up. A true fan is a fan no matter what the sport or what the team record is. Loyalty shows when a person is a true fan.

Soccer IS cool.

I have played soccer since I was in grade school nearly 40 years ago. I have loved it my entire life. I have coached it as my coach appreciation plaques prove and I have enjoyed college games with my son by my side.

Soccer IS cool.

Soccer teaches a child coordination. Soccer has helped my children be able to participate in a physical activity with other children, making friends and preparing them for other sports such as football, baseball, basketball, cheerleading and volleyball.

When they look back, no matter what memories all of us have of childhood troubles or turmoil, my three children will be able to look back upon a time when Mom stood in the bleachers cheering them on, when Mom agreed to coach a team because another adult had bailed, when Mom made sure they made it to practice and Mom coordinated snacks.

I did not pretend to like sports, I DO like sports and soccer is my favorite. I love football (go 49ers!), I love baseball (go Rangers!), I love basketball (go Utah Jazz!) I love hockey (go Wildcats!), I love Nascar (go Jeff!), but I will always love soccer the most.

Now, for the record, this blogger is saying "Go U.S.!"

Oh, and again for the record? It's kinda cool knowing that grandkids and great-nieces and nephews are building memories with this old lady by playing soccer with me. We bond so well that two of those nieces on hubby's side eagerly agreed to be our flower girls.

The Big Day

2010-06-21T05:41:00.000-07:00

Being the bride means you are in a zone unlike any other. Friends and family were there and yet, I was in a zone. Tears and laughter were the emotions of the day. Even as I look at the pictures and watch the video, I see something new or I re-live that moment.

One thing is for sure. I need to make use of that exercise room we have. Everyone said I was beautiful, but a year of sitting in front of a computer writing has done me in physically. So I tell my guy I'm hitting our workout equipment and turning myself into a "model"...just for HIM. He said I did not need to cause he thinks I'm beautiful. That's reason enough to want to do it..just for him.

So as I start my first week as his wife, I feel like it's a new year in a way or, as my friend Tina stated on my FB, a new story after the final chapter of one story had been written.

I really don't have a lot to write about the big day because as I said, I was in a zone, which other women who have been brides can certainly attest to. But I do know one thing for sure: not only do I have the three greatest kids in the world, I also have the greatest guy, too.

Oh, and p.s.: Becky, as my maid of honor, was drop dead gorgeous. Um...I hear an official proposal was made that evening? Yep, Randy spilled the beans to me...they are officially engaged!

Oh, and Skunk? Seymour and Windy said that rocks and windchimes can officially be married by agreeing to be? So everyone, say hi to Mr. and Mrs. Seymour PetRock.

My Guy's Confession

2010-06-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

So my guy makes a confession to me. Seems he has taken one of the songs we chose for our wedding ceremony and has it "looping" on his Iphone and is listening to it over and over at work. Curious, I wanted to know which one. He played it for me, telling me to make sure I actually listen to the words because the song describes his love for me heart and soul. This song is sang by Kathy Mattea.

I will pledge my heart, to the love we share.
Through the good and bad times too.
I'll forsake my rest for your happiness:
'Til my death I will stand by you.

With God as my witness, this vow I will make;
To have and to hold you, no other to take.
For rich or for poor, under skies grey or blue,
'Til my death I will stand by you.

He has truly done that in so many ways. He epitomizes that perfect man to me and for me. Although I tease him that Peter Strauss is my "Love O Matic" match on the IPOD game, even Peter can't come close to measuring up to the love of my life, something I am sure the great actor would understand.

There are wars and there are rumours, of wars yet to come.
Temptations we'll have to walk through.
Though others may tremble, I will not run.
'Til my death I will stand by you.

I will put on the armour of faithfulness,
To fight for a heart that is true.
'Til the battle is won, I will not rest.
'Til my death I will stand by you.

Just as I knew years ago I would never be able to love my ex again because of a phrase he stated when my son was sick, I know now that I will never be able to love another man because of a phrase my guy stated, again when my son was sick. It seems to be a message straight from above. I refused to marry for years because of that phrase and I can't wait to get to the altar tomorrow, again because of a phrase and because I am absolutely crazy about the man I am going to marry. He can melt my butter even if we were standing in a freezer. I've never said that before about anyone. :)

With God as my witness, this vow I will make;
To have and to hold you, no other to take.
For rich or for poor, under skies grey or blue,
'Til my death I will stand by you.

'Til the battle is won, I will not run.
'Til my death I will stand by you.

Now, Albert, I have a confession to make, too. I have a crush on you. Will you marry me?

Countdown to Our Destination: Wedding Day

2010-06-17T06:05:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, he calls me or texts me or whispers in my ear the hours and minutes to our wedding. He is like a child at Christmastime, a trick or treater, looking for the prize egg in the Easter egg hunt, anticipating his favorite team being the champion in the Super Bowl. The only difference is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow isn't me, as he seems to think it is, but HIM.

Becky says he spoils me and she's right. I remember praying once to God that I did not need or want anything except someone who is honest, sincere, believes in Him but I sure didn't realize He was honestly going to answer my prayer in spades. When the man who has my heart took my hand and said "Let's pray for your son", it was to me the Oscar moment in time when I knew that not only did I have a wonderful fiance, I had honestly met my soulmate.

Yesterday, Becky and I spent the day together. Now, don't tell her I said this, but she is really kind of cool. She has filled the role as best friend and maid of honor admirably. She is also quite talented in an area that I encouraged her to pursue...the lady can do magical things with wedding floral stuff. I was overwhelmed and she seemed to be in her element.

We got the rest of the stuff done yesterday for the wedding. Then she and I went to a local pizza place where I happily indulged in their Spinach Alfredo pizza...it is the absolute BEST!

This afternoon, Becky and I are planning a little "private" shopping for the wedding night and then later, my son and I are going to one of our favorite stores to get the rest of what he needs for the wedding. Then tomorrow, Becky, her son and I are getting the church parlor set up for the ceremony before tomorrow evening's rehearsal and dancing with our friends.

How is YOUR week going?

A Just a Mom Moment in Time

2010-06-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

As the mother of three adult children, I find myself missing the old days when I was a part of every moment of their lives. Although I am incredibly happy and in love with the man I will spend the rest of my life and beyond with, I do admit to missing those times back when I was "just a mom".

I was able to have one of them yesterday with my middle child. I had picked him up from work and we were heading home. He has made the back part of our huge house his very own, almost like an apartment. He is in summer recess from Texas Tech where he will be starting his junior year this fall.

We were talking about the wedding and different things and the subject of racism came up. He shared a conversation he had with someone and how he stood up against racism. While still friends with several wonderful young men he has known since high school, junior high and even grade school, he counts as his two "best friends" a wonderful young man who is black and one who is El Salvadoran.

I told him I was proud of him for being and thinking the way he does. His friends are not black or white or Indian or hispanic or whatever. His friends are wonderful young men and women who have their entire lives ahead of them. They are people. They are real. They are a blessing in my son's life and in those of people who know them, just as I believe my son is a blessing in theirs.

The two best friends in question will be at my wedding Saturday and will be helping with both photography and video taping. Just like my son, I do not see different colors, I see different shades of blessings and personalities.

Our family has been through the mill with our VA fight and misunderstandings from time to time. But yesterday, I had a just a mom moment in time when God showed me that I am still blessed to have the children I have. They may not be perfect but they are perfect for me.

Thank you, God.

Day One of the Train Ride

2010-06-15T06:57:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I worked on a writing project for one of my regular clients. Then I wrote an article about the 21st anniversary of a shooting here in town that I submitted to the city newspaper for next month. Not sure if they will print it but either way, I had to write it. Those of you who know me know that I have a tremendous gratitude to a police officer who died in the line of duty protecting a neighborhood and the day care center my younger son was in from a man who went on a rampage that day in our small city. I also submitted an article to the Atlantic Monthly. Not sure if they will want it but writing is my dream, not whether anyone else sees it or not.

I went to work in the afternoon and then later helped my aunt with a little homework. This wonderful woman is going to school for her GED. She is in her early 70s and got married at the age of 14 and never finished high school. I am so proud of her.

Today I have 2 writing assignments, one to finish from yesterday when the storm kept me away from the computer for a bit as it came in through the late afternoon and during the night.

Then off to check on the cake and flowers for Saturday. This afternoon my older son has a doctor's appointment at the VA clinic. I remember a time when people would email me and complain that my life seemed too perfect because I was so proud of my three kids. Well, I am still proud of those three young adults. One has been through more than I can fathom in a war zone, one is a strong and mature young man who has dreams and is following them by getting an education and mapping out a life for himself and one is a true Force of Nature who is beautiful beyond compare and in love with a soldier of her own.

And here sits their mother, at the age of 47, still loving life and God and writing and family. Still talking World Cup with her son, watching sports and signing up for a Celebrity Apprentice softball game at church. Still feeling like a teenage bride and anticipating the train ride of her dreams in a marriage to a man of strong integrity, honesty, character, faith and humor.

Have a wonderful and blessed day everyone!

My Train Ride to a New Adventure in Life

2010-06-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed what little time I had to relax this weekend. Caddo Lake is a nice place to be but I had a couple of "disappointing" moments. Like when we first got there and I headed down the back porch steps to the deck. There was no light and I stumbled and fell. Both my knees and one of my ankles is bruised. Oh well.

Then the moment I had anticipated for weeks finally arrived and we headed off to the train. I have been on several trains out in California but I have never actually ridden one. I was about to ride my first train! We pulled up, puzzled to see that no one was there. However, puzzlement soon turned to disappointment when we found out the train was closed for repairs and the signs on the door had not been updated properly.

Then I realized something and shared it with Albert, Becky and Randy. I was still going on a very special train ride this week and the destination will be reached on Saturday afternoon when I marry the true love of my life. Just as we had repeatedly "missed" the train over the past 30 years since being neighbors as teenagers, we would now both have first class tickets to the adventurous ride of a lifetime: marriage to each other.

Would you like to hop on board and see where our adventures take us? This week, I will let you know what is going on each day as Saturday draws near.

So maybe I missed the train ride I had been looking forward to but I wouldn't trade the adventure I am about to begin for anything in the world.

Thank you, God.

At the Lake

2010-06-10T06:26:00.000-07:00

I wrote this post back in June, 2006, when I went to Caddo Lake with Randy and Becky and met some other writers from USA Deep South. Being an early riser, both then and now, I got up before the others and went out on the deck and wrote the following post. I hope to write a new one about this coming weekend when I return from once again going to that beautiful lake.

Oh, and for those who keep up with my VA battle, the House of Representatives was in my blog twice on June 3 and once on June 7. Also, the Department of Veteran Affairs from OKC and Cincinnati. Maybe they will finally realize that those young men and women who go over to war when some of them are still teens have family who's daily mantra is "I miss the old ..." (fill in the name blank as it could be any of them). All this mom wants is for our troops and veterans to be recognized for what they truly sacrifice, from their lives, to their limbs, to their memories, brain activity and personalities. Maybe they will realize that when a young man has gone to war but before that, was a nice, mature boy who had never had a single problem with memory lapses and mood swings needs the help he deserves. Is that really too much to ask when soldiers are willing to give their all for this country?

At the Lake

It’s beautiful. It’s not even 6 a.m. and I’m out on the sundeck above the boat ramp. A tree ten feet away is the playground for several squirrels who stop now and again to watch the strange woman in blue as she writes, drinks her coffee, lightly tans and compares her surroundings to her North Carolina dream.

A top that hides little more than a bikini would and a pair of capris help my skin feel the cool breeze and the water is moving one direction in the lake. I can hear a boat off in the distance but mostly I hear the conversations of birds and the other sounds of the early morning bayou.

Randy’s daughter is a talented writer. This was a writers’ get together and I met several charming people from the Judge to Randy’s longtime lake friends. Yet she, the 17 year-old, is the one I discussed writing with this weekend.

As I write this post longhand this early morning, there is a squirrel observing me from just a few feet away. Braver than the rest, he has wandered up here to see what I have. Perhaps the smell of French vanilla in my coffee has attracted him? (I couldn’t find hazelnut.) Just then a beautiful red bird joins us and claims the squirrel’s attention. I am not jealous as I become a front-row observer to their strange ritual.

I cannot use my cell phone here—it seems Alltel is the one the locals speak highly of. There are very few instances where I cannot talk to at least one of my three children on a daily basis. My daughter and her friends would laugh if they knew how truly isolated I was without my phone to reach out to family and friends.

Becky has been the cook. Randy did the fish fry. S (Randy’s daughter) has been the typical teenager full of energy and sun-loving and I have at times felt odd man out. But that’s only as it should be—they are a family. (Yes, Randy, I do feel like family—thank you). Yesterday (meaning Saturday) I was lazy. I felt drained and wanted to sleep.

Here comes the boat I’ve been hearing. He waves as he goes by—is he used to people being up this early? Probably. His motor has disturbed the water and the waves break roughly against the bank.

I am getting to know Becky more. I wonder if she figured out that it was I who ate the majority of her cucumber salad over the long weekend? (She’s getting a quart of banana pudding from her favorite place when we get home.)

I did have a delicious little flirtation moment. When we got to the first little cabin Thursday night (ours wouldn’t be ready till Friday), the key came on the cutest little green t-shirt keyring. I wanted it. I was fascinated with it. Randy went to the office and they offered us two cute little alligator keychains instead. (I got one.) Well, as luck would have it, I went there to get a few Uncertain, Texas postcards and met the nice gentleman. As luck would have it further, he came down to the cabin next to ours shortly thereafter. I went over, gave him back our cabin key and said “Thank you for the alligator key ring; it is just too cute.” He said, “Would you like the t-shirt one, too?” Now you know I had to tell him how sweet he was for that gesture. Randy shook his head. He couldn’t believe it. As I got into the car, G (the owner) came around to my window and said, “Here, give that one back, this one is nice and clean and has no dirty scribbling on it.” Randy’s daughter just looked at me and said, “I can learn a lot about flirting from you.”

All I can say is I got TWO key chains and he was just the sweetest guy (and the best-looking one at the lake).

I had the opportunity to go to the local bar last night and declined. Randy and Becky went and I’ve yet to hear their story about it. (They had a great time.) They went with the owners of our cabin, a great couple from what little I chatted with them and their cabin is GORGEOUS. I plan on going back with my own children if I can talk them all in to it.

Should I go wake them up? LOL—I did wake Becky up Friday night after I’d had a bit of wine just to tell her I had to go pee. As someone who can’t drink because of her diabetes, she holds the cards to blackmailing all of us from time to time. Perhaps I should leave the wake-up call to the ducks just below their bedroom window?

How was my weekend at the lake? Relaxing—eye opening—worth every moment. Shhh---do you hear it? a train off in the distance—would you like to be here with me and see where it takes us?

An Important Message about the VA System

2010-06-02T04:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while but today's post is very important to me. For those of you who know me and my family, you know that I had a son proudly serve this country. I'm still quite proud of him and his comrades. I can't say the same for the VA system.

I wouldn't feel this way if every single step hasn't had some type of slap in the face. From that day back in September 2006, when a man with a Middle Eastern accent at the Oklahoma City VA hospital asked me if I was sure my son had actually been in the military and not just pretending.

On March 15, 2007, when my hometown newspaper reported that the new director of the OKC VA Hospital had stated there had not been any complaints out of my town regarding veteran issues and I called, was transferred to his secretary and asked for their fax number, then asked if they wanted my complaints alphabetically or chronologically. That afternoon he was finally recognized as a veteran.

My documentation of events, dates and times comes from the writer and researcher in me, as well as my time as a legal assistant while living in California.

Aside from Congressman Mac Thornberry, my faith in the government has been destroyed. I have begged and pleaded for help for literally 4 years plus. I have documented his symptoms and finally told them straight out that if my child ever hurts himself or someone else, I hold them accountable.

They finally took me seriously and last week performed tests that showed my son not only has a brain injury but epilepsy due to that brain injury.

At this point, I couldn't care less about my love of writing, Big Brother, or my favorite sports teams. I'm gearing up for the biggest fight of my life which will be to get the VA to recognize that our soldiers are people, not numbers. They are loved ones, not statistics. I am going to use my right to vote. I'm going to use my love for writing. I'm going to use my right as a mom to get the message across. Our veterans are being thrown away by the VA system.

I wouldn't feel so aggravated if they really were short on money but when they are giving out hundreds of thousands in bonuses to their workers, when they are giving benefits to people who choose to have unprotected sex, when they are telling family members and veterans themselves that they do not exist, it is time for a change. And I know I am just a mom, but I am going to use my right to free speech to make sure that others know just what the VA system is doing to our combat veterans.

My advice to anyone who has a loved one in uniform, keep detailed notes and documentation of everything. My son made it home and I am so grateful. But his war is still going on. And I am his combat buddy now just as all families of those who serve our country end up being here on the homefront. I just hope I can serve him half as decently as he served his country.

2010-05-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

I just want to tell everyone who reads this to have a great and fantastic day!!!

Turning 47

2010-04-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

So guess what Monday is? Go on, guess. It's my birthday. Yep, that's right. I'm almost 50 and I love it. Okay, technically, I'm turning 47 Monday. So what does it feel like to be 47? Well, to me, it feels incredible.

I have date nights with the greatest guy in the world. He makes me feel like a teenage bride. He gave me a card today, yep, two days early, telling me he could give me one today if he wants to. It said on the front "My Wonderful Wife". I reminded him we aren't quite married yet. The gadget guy in him said something about a technicality.

I still like to be active. Just two weeks ago I played soccer with some kids. Today I volunteered at the Food Pantry at my church. It's one of my favorite places to volunteer. I also do a couple of other volunteer projects through my church, as well as Habitat. I'm considering getting back into soccer coaching or adult literacy council again.

I love my kids. Sometimes they get mad at me. Sometimes. But I know and they know and God knows that I love them with all my heart and soul. And even when they get mad at me? I know they still love me, too.

So Monday is my birthday. It is one day in the life of me. It is a day of sadness this year in our community as it will be the day a young man is laid to rest who was shot in a rampage here this past Tuesday night.

When I started blogging a little over 5 years ago, I had no idea that it would become such a big part of my life. My original blog is the inspiration behind the book I'm nearly done with...the one that will end in June when I am given away to the love of my life. The Pros and Cons of Raising Mom will be complete then. Well, as long as I don't have another stroke or decide to turn 21 again at 50, which I very well could do if Albert can keep up...and even if he can't.

As I sit here beside my love, with pictures of my three grown children close by, I have only one birthday wish...that each of them...all four of my loves...that each of them have their dreams come true.

Now, do me a favor? Go over and wish Teresa a happy birthday on Monday, too. She's only turning 40 and if I could give her a gift, it would be that some of the best years of her life are still ahead...I know looking back to my 40th that some of mine surely are. :)

If Not Now, Then When?

2010-04-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

Bad things don't just happen on TV. Real life doesn't just happen to other people. Just as I have learned that war isn't a movie, I have learned that real life isn't either. People judge without knowing all the facts. People get all holier than thou over things they have no knowledge of firsthand. I have seen that happen recently with the family of a very good friend.

This week, I also learned that headlining news doesn't just happen to other cities and other towns. A coffee shop I like because it is in a favorite book/music store was the scene of something that happens, well, someplace else. I have friends who use their laptops there. I have been there with a co-worker. I wander around there myself from time to time, especially as I do contract work for two stores nearby myself.

The time of day was not the norm for me. At 9:30 at night, I am usually in bed during the week, having a early schedule of writing most mornings during the week. On weekends, that time of night will find me at a weekly dance with my fiance on Fridays and spending quiet time with him on Saturdays.

So Tuesday night, I was already asleep. I did not hear about it the next morning through the news. I didn't have it on. After doing some writing, I wandered over to my Facebook page. I put up a status about a book signing I would be attending at that very store this coming Saturday. I played a game and then went back to writing. It was only after checking my email and seeing a notification about a friend on FB, that I went back on there and also checked out other friends and family members' statuses. That was when I saw it. A good friend in my writing group had mentioned it, her shock and dismay evident in her written words.

Wednesday was filled with it all day on the news. You can't remain impartial, thinking to yourself "How sad" as you change a channel when it is about people in your own community being shot at two places you have been to, one as a regular customer and the other just a couple of times because it is more a hangout for your children and their friends.

Anything involving active duty and military veterans is community to me because I was a military spouse and my son served in war. Anything involving the city I have lived over half my life in and made sure all three of my children were born in is something I take personal because this is my home. Picturing what happened in a place I loved to sit occasionally and have coffee in with a friend or write at a table in hurts.

I am truly grateful that the four women who were shot, 2 from here and 2 from our Air Force community, seem to be recovering. I am deeply saddened that a young man who was a military vet between the ages of my two sons lost his life simply doing his job as a door man at a popular bar. My heart breaks for his family as well as for the family of the other young man who then apparently committed suicide by shooting himself.

This didn't happen somewhere else. It happened here. I even had a friend call to see if I was okay because she knew I liked going to that particular store.

My heart goes out to everyone involved, to the victims and their families, to Toby's Bar and to Hasting's. My gratitude goes out to the law enforcement and medical personnel who responded so quickly that night.

Just like the old war movies, I'm finding that nothing hurts as much or is as real as when it hits home. So my message to you if you are reading this: tell your loved ones just that: I love you. Forgive and forget an old grudge. Ask to be forgiven for an old grudge. Take your spouse or significant other by the hand and give him or her a big kiss. Hug your children. Hug your friends. Step away from the computer and play soccer, read a book, watch a movie, play a board game, join an activity group, get involved at church and in your community.

Because life doesn't just happen to other people. And we don't always have a second chance. We can't always put it off until tomorrow as Scarlett did because sometimes there is no tomorrow.

If not now, then when?

Take care of you. Tough noodles.

Going Through Old Memories

2010-04-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

The last few days I have been unpacking some boxes that have been in storage for over three years, ever since my stroke. Seeing my beautiful daughter's portrait that a young man did 18 years ago at McClellan Air Force Base in Sacramento when she was just a year old brought back memories. I remember it so vividly. The cheerleading pictures, pictures of her doing cartwheels in our front yard, with her brothers at different ages. A to-do list of things to do one Saturday with #4 being "Get some money from Mom." Little notes that said "Mommy, I love you". I cried. Trophies for Good Sportsmanship, winning the Soapbox Derby (First Place!), cheerleading and volleyball. Awards for her brothers, too.

Seeing the picture of a young woman who graduated in 2004 with "Thank you, Monica" on the back? I have no clue who she is or what I did. I can't tell what school she went to from the picture. It only has that and her name...Brittany.

Seeing a picture of me and my younger son sitting together in a huge chair at Christmastime when he was barely in junior high. Pretty cool. Going over his report cards and school papers...well...we always knew that was one smart young man when his teacher wanted him to test out of grade 4. Still, I'm glad he didn't do that because he is at a wonderful college with great friends he has been close to all through junior high and high school. I cried.

Finding letters to and from my oldest when he was at war. Seeing emails in a folder from the FRG (Family Readiness Group). Pictures of him with friends when we went for his basic training graduation. I cried.

A poster with the newspaper column about him and I that the infamous journalist Sharon Randall wrote. I read it. I cried.

Letters from friends through the years. Some thanking me for keeping longhand letters through the mail going when, as Scott put it...email and cell phones had made it practically non-existent.

A couple of stories I had written. A literary journal called Distant Echoes that a story of mine was published in back in 2005.

Old flames. Letters from them. Emails, poems. I look at my guy and with no disrespect intended, I am grateful and happy things did not work out as I have the love I want in every way that I want. Just as I sincerely hope and pray that each of them has with whoever they are with.

Old friends. Some I met through blogging. A note from Susan and Kayla. A beautiful windchime I still hold dear. A lovely poem written by Joe that was framed. Letters from others I met online. Other friends from throughout life.

Journals. I have always written in them. As a teen, as a young woman, as a single mother and as a woman in her 40s. Writing is as much a part of me as breathing is. Others itch for a computer, I write longhand and put it in, yes, even some of the blog posts for my original blog.

Lighthouses and angels. I collected both. Some bring back precious memories while others I look at totally confused as to how I got them. Plaques awarded to me for being a soccer coach, awards at work over the years, volunteer recognition. I did good now and then.

My friends who know me in real life, away from the computer, know that I am pretty much the same person there as I am here. They are privy to stuff others I don't know are not. The only exception being Skunk, who showed me that friendship can transcend the internet when a person is in a situation that is not good for her or her family. In real life, Becky and Randy have been there as well. I hope all three can say the same for me.

Having a stroke in your early 40s can change how you look at life. You can sit down and wallow and think life is over. As for me, if I had gone that night, I had no regrets. Now, however, I am so grateful, because now I have the greatest guy in the world and I have a precious grandson I never would have met here on earth. I may be a bit slower but I can still play soccer. I may be a bit older but I can still dance on Friday nights. I may not be a supermodel but for some unknown reason, I still turn heads. That's what Tony still tells me to this day. Hey girls, Tony and Skunk are awesome guys...go for it!!!!

I have a second chance. In life, in community, in friendship, in love. I look at the boxes that hold my life's story as I prepare to make a home with my guy. I will be 47 on Monday yet I feel every bit like a teenage bride of 19. I may die tomorrow and I have still had the greatest gifts in Joshua, Jeremy, Julia and Albert. Thank you, God.

A Request to Russia

2010-04-16T17:20:00.001-07:00

I'm putting my two cents' worth in on yet another news situation. Yes, I again waited until my initial feelings passed and made sure I was getting more than a breaking news type feeling.

What happened to the little boy sent back to Russia was WRONG. But please, Russia, PLEASE, do not punish every hopeful adopting family for what that woman did. I personally know of several children adopted in Haiti and Russia and they are the beloved blessings of very proud parents.

Just as there are bad apples in every type of human situation, there are even more wonderful treats for those who believe. What happened to that precious little boy was uncalled for and personally, I believe that woman should be prosecuted for sending a child unaccompanied on a plane when she had adopted him. They say she has another adoption in progress.

She sent the first child back stating he had mental problems. Seems to me the mental problems weren't on his end.

But please, Russia, we have some wonderful people here just as you so obviously do there. I see it in the beautiful children that have come here. Although I believe you are seeing it as protecting other children from this and I can definitely understand that, please believe me. We have some wonderful families here thanks to both countries coming together to form just such families. Please remember what I said about the bad apples. They are few and far between.

I would take that young boy in a heartbeat if I could but I have raised three children and I am discovering the joys of grandchildren and how they like soccer and have great imaginations and like spending time with Grandma just as my children liked spending time with me at that age. Still, he would most definitely be welcome to having a permanent home here, raised to know God and that there is good in most everyone and that families spend time doing things together like sports, games and other activities, not just sitting in front of a television or a computer or keeping to themselves away from others.

While I'm sure you have received hundreds of requests for that precious angel, well, here's another one if needed.

And I'm requesting again. Please, Russia, do not stop U.S. adoptions. I promise you, most adoptive parents truly are wonderful people who feel blessed by your country when they receive a precious child from you.

Changes are Coming

2010-04-03T09:13:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter weekend, Everyone! In the next month or so, I will be making changes to this blog. It is in preparation for a couple of releases coming out. I will make a personal blog that will be available just as this one has been. Although I haven't gotten the comments my original one once did, I do get quite a few people popping in and I know it is because I haven't posted on here like I did my original one.

Still, I have been encouraged by a publisher to turn this into a blog for my writing so I will let you, both my friends and my readers, know where my personal one moves to. It won't be until May but I am really excited.

Now, I have to say something. One of my very best friends has lost his grandson. Today is the service. He was just a couple of months older than my own grandson and we teased each other about his playing for Texas and mine playing for Texas Tech. I just want to say my love and prayers are directed this Easter weekend to his family and their loss. You've heard me mention Randy over the years. I love you, friend.

That So-Called Church

2010-04-02T06:08:00.000-07:00

This is one of those times when I sat back and let a subject go for a bit so I did not rush in and say the wrong thing. Unfortunately, I know from personal experience that a certain church in Kansas is one of the most unpatriotic places I have ever heard of.

You may have heard about Albert Snyder, the father who lost a son in the war. This group from Kansas picketed the funeral just as they do so many others. This father decided to sue. He won. Then an appeal went the other way and the father has to pay the church's legal fees?

This is no ordinary church. This is a church that is aided by the ACLU which now has me completely baffled. Okay, not completely. Because this is the message I now have loud and clear from the ACLU. They truly don't care for God.

They will back gays and lesbians. I can see that. From what I understand, a person can not help whom he or she is attracted to. If they could, I would have detoured around several jerks just to make it to my wonderful guy and spared myself some bad times. So yes, that I can understand.

They seem to be on the side of those who want to take Christ out of Christmas and God out of prayer. I don't like that but I am suppose to remember that I live in a state of freedom, right? The fact that I feel like God has lost HIS rights in this, therefore limiting my right to hear Merry Christmas from the stores I want to shop at has changed a lot for me. I go to a store that says Merry Christmas IN SPITE of what I'm told I should adhere to.

So there's the drawn line. HOW can the ACLU back a "church" that screams against homosexuality and pickets military funerals because it claims the soldiers are accomplices to homosexuality because they serve this country. THIS COUNTRY. The SAME country that allows this "church" to have its free speech and disrespect displayed at the funerals of our children.

I mentioned personal experience. Several years ago, we had a funeral in a nearby town. This 'church' was planning on having people in attendance to picket. At the time, my son was in Iraq. I went into the sanctuary of the church I worked in, said a prayer, then went to the phone. I called the church to politely find out what was going on, just in case the media was blowing it out of proportion.

A woman answered. She said they did not believe in homosexuality. I asked what that had to do with a soldier's funeral. My own son was in Iraq and wasn't gay but so what? I have NEVER understood what one has to do with the other. I'd rather have a gay soldier who believes in his country than a straight one who is secretly fighting for the other side and endangering our soldiers.

This woman said "Your son is a soldier?" "Yes, ma'am" I said proudly. She said and I will NEVER forget it: "I hope your son dies."

It's a good thing I know and believe there is a God. It's a good thing I was given the ability to rationalize and that even a stroke has not destroyed that. So this is MY opinion and MY view and MY right to free speech in this country:

Our soldiers are HEROES. Our soldiers are HEROES. Our soldiers are HEROES.

Whether they are straight or gay, black or white, male or female, our soldiers are HEROES. If you don't like the country that gives you freedom of speech, then leave. Every time you disrespect a soldier's funeral, you are disrespecting God. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, that's one thing. But CLAIMING to be a Christian and picketing military funerals over homosexuality is the most bogus excuse for something that seems suspiciously anti-American to me. And that's how I see that so-called church.

Oh, and my question to the federal appeals court that sided with the church? How do you side with someone who has a sign that says "Thank God for 9-11?" Surely that crosses the line from free speech to supporting terrorism, don't you think?

Seymour's Arrival

2010-04-01T11:12:00.001-07:00

So I get home last night and there's a small box waiting just outside the front door. It was 9 p.m. and I was just getting in from church where we had a business meeting after classes. I ask Albert if he heard the doorbell and he said yes but he was already ready for bed. By the time he gets dressed and goes to the door, there's no one there. Um...he didn't think to look down. Given the small size of the box, I can understand that.

It's Seymour. He's totally pooped and just wants to sleep. He never even makes it to one of the guest bedrooms, he passes out immediately. So this morning we are chatting. He's catching me up on Skunk and telling me secrets (wow, Skunk, like for real?). I was totally impressed that this miniature boulder has had all the experiences he has had.

He is looking forward to meeting Paula and Tina at our writing group meeting Monday night. He's really jazzed that he will be here for Paula's next book signing at Hastings on April 24. He loves that there is absolutely no snow in our forecast. He IS a bit worried when I mention how much I love storms but relieved when I tell him I'm not a storm chaser. He requests an evening of just watching The Perfect Storm with me and my guy and seems a bit puzzled that I will loan it to him but that I prefer to watch it just with Albert. (I'll let you explain about that, Skunk.)

Finally, he asks me the question that I, as the sister and stepsister of a total of seven brothers and the mother of two sons and the aunt and "adopted" mom of several others, has known was coming. He asks in an innocent voice (not) where Miss Windy is. He's even dressed for the occasion apparently, as he has a green area on him and that is Windy's favorite color.

This is where I show the side of me that reminds him of Skunk. (Hmmm.)

I look at him just as "innocently" as he did me. "I'm sorry, Seymour, I thought Skunk would have told you. Windy met someone and went to Hawaii."

He was crestfallen. I didn't even know rocks could BE crestfallen. He's happy to be here, excited about meeting everyone but there's a touch of disappointment there, too.

"Oh, poor Seymour, here, let me give you a hug" I say. Then I lean in and whisper..."April Fool's!" as Windy jumps out of the closet. Now they are out back in the sunroom getting acquainted.

Geez, I HOPE he's available to meet the writing group Monday night.

Oh, and for those of you who don't know? Windy is the lovely windchime that has been wanting to meet Seymour. Yeah, I'm playing cupid for a windchime and a rock. How's that for romance?

When I Grow Up

2010-03-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

There is a saying on a commercial lately that I have used most of my adult life. Even as a teenager I heard other adults use it and am sure that is where I picked it up at. The phrase is When I grow up, I and then I fill in the blank with whatever fits at the time. I have noticed that phrase on an AARP commercial lately and think it fits perfectly, for the commercial and for me.

I tell people I am almost 50 because I am. I will be 47 next month. Although I have some friends who cringe when a milestone birthday approaches, I am not one of them. To me, a birthday is a blessing. It meant I got to spend another year as the mom of three gifts given to me by a higher authority.

Sometimes I joke with them. When I grow up, I'm not having any kids. They take it the way it is meant, in fun, as Mom discovers turning 21 again. They like that I can turn humor around on myself as The Pros and Cons of Raising Mom will prove.

I see myself in that phrase in AARP: When I grow up, I'm going to write a novel. I am following my dreams and I an writing. I'm living the life I want.

When I grow up, I'm not getting married. I've said that many times over the years. I've been married and planned to be married. I made that statement again the other day as I left my meeting with the church secretary. All these wedding plans? They make me as jittery as a teenage bride. But one look into the eyes of the man I love? No way could I ever say no to him. He makes me say "*** who?" when I think of an ex. All I can do is be grateful that I am with the guy that I am meant to be with.

My cousin wrote me a letter after a recent family funeral. She said she loved meeting my guy, that he was nice looking and sweet and considerate not only to me but to everyone he met. My family was impressed. As they haven't been impressed with anyone outside of Dusty most of my life, that's saying a LOT. And when they are impressed, I'm the one that usually loses interest. Not this time.

When I grow up, I'm not going to waste a day being mean. The other day, I called in to the Sonic and asked for the manager. The girl sounded worried as she gave the manager the phone. The manager sounded wary as he said hello. I told him I had forgotten to ask for a drink holder and that the girl on skates said "No problem" and brought me one right away and never once acted like I was a bother. Her courteous customer service was awesome. He said thank you and that people seldom call just to give a compliment but I am making it my motto to say or do something nice every day outside of the ordinary.

When I grow up, I'm going to try everything I wanted to try. After having my stroke three and a half years ago, I learned a valuable lesson. Tim McGraw's song Live Like You Were Dying has a whole new meaning for me. I still won't take medication, I still like to power-walk although the weather has prevented that until recently and I still have sky diving and a cruise on my list (although I have been on a dinner cruise).

I'm a grandmother. I'm a fiance. I'm a volunteer. I am almost 50. I'm a human being who has made a lot of mistakes and I am not perfect. Yet the fact that I can say the following phrase and truly mean it means I am one of the richest people in the world.

When I grow up, I want to be me.

The 5 R's

2010-03-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

Recuperating. Thirteen hundred miles and two funerals 24 hours apart. Plus a third funeral that was held at the same time as a relative's...my mom's stepbrother from my grandmother's second marriage. Not to mention my brother lost his half-brother on his father's side two weeks ago. It boggles the mind at the moment and with me that's not hard.

Re-evaluating. Listening to two different people being remembered, one I did not have the blessing of knowing but he was a close family member of my fiance's. I didn't know very many people there except for his sister, sister-in-law and niece beforehand, but as he kept me by his side and introduced me around I knew yet again how blessed I was to be with him. When he insisted we cut our time with his family short in order to make it to my family's side for a service, I knew I was the luckiest lady alive.

Re-connecting. My mind is shut down today but I will return to writing tomorrow. My heart, however, is refilled as I re-connected with my cousins and proudly introduced my fiance to members of my extended family.

Rejoicing. Both funerals were for two people who truly believed in God and the hope given and shared at such times is the strength needed as their lives were celebrated instead of remembered in sorrow.

Replenishing. Inspired creativity abounds. Thank you, God.

Faith

2010-03-05T06:05:00.001-08:00

Faith is when the heart sees light where the eyes see darkness.

I posted that on my Facebook page on February 24. I have said it over and over several times over the past two weeks. Yesterday, I found out why.

I volunteer in an incredible ministry in my church. I do so because I was asked a year ago and I came away more blessed than I had expected to be. Years ago one of my children had lymphoma and I could not work because of his trips back and forth to south Texas to an oncologist. I could not get food stamps, either, because I had a car, which was considered an asset. I didn't understand how I could be refused when I saw employed people getting them. But I was blessed in the end. My child's illness was detected early and after the first cancer cells were removed, fifteen months of diligent watching showed no recurrence.

Yesterday my volunteer family was hit hard. Nearly every member of our small group was affected by either death, illness or betrayal. My fiance's uncle passed, a friend's cousin passed, a friend was taken to the hospital, another friend's family member was hospitalized and yet another's spouse was diagnosed with the same illness my son had been years before. Some of us were affected simply because our friends were hurting.

Yet I saw all of these people bind together to help families who needed food. I saw all of these people concentrate on the families before us instead of our own pain. I saw friends praying for strangers that jobs to be found, relationships restored and bodies healed.

Faith is where the heart sees light when the eyes only see darkness.

Life After 40

2010-03-03T04:31:00.000-08:00

A wonderful friend and talented writer and I were discussing life after 40 this morning. She quite recently became a grandmother and I became one to a handsome young boy biologically a little over a year ago although I claim the other three my son's fiance has as well.

Life after 40. This means different things to different people. A younger person might feel like it is ancient. Guess what? It's not. A person who is alone might feel depressed and dejected. Guess what? There is life out there. LIVE it.

I will be 47 next month. I am proud of it. I still get out there and play soccer with the little kids and with college girls. I play tag in the church gym when a family comes in for groceries at the Food Pantry, keeping the child occupied while his mother is getting the help she needs.

I tell people I am almost 50. I am. I love it. But I am really not trying to brag about my life in this post. What I want to do is encourage someone else, let you know that yes, there IS life after 40.

My fiance constantly looks at me and asks how he got so lucky. I just tell him we BOTH got lucky. We are starting a new life together. We are both almost 50. When I think back over the other relationships I have had in my life, I can honestly say I don't regret my marriage or how my three children came to be. Those relationships were blessed because I was blessed by three wonderful children. I could have done without the other relationships but maybe JUST maybe, I had to go through what I did to appreciate what I have now. I know several couples who met or married after 40 and are loving where they are in life.

Life after 40 does not mean your dreams are over. For some, they are just beginning. A child born to parents turning 40, writing dreams coming true, new relationships forming and getting cemented. If you have a dream that has not been realized, follow it now. With the internet, we can do so much. Sing a song, record a CD and market it. Write that novel, publish it yourself if you can't find a publisher. If you sell just one book, you will have made someone out there happy. If you wanted to win the track meet in high school but didn't? Practice now for a marathon. Your success is in following your dream, not just the achievement. My granddaughter is about to turn seven. She and I are doing a book project together as well. (Shh, it's a secret, though.) But when I leave this earth? No matter what I have published, something tells me that will be my greatest writing accomplishment because it is a dream of hers, to write something with Grandma.

If you have children, play with them. If they are older or even adults themselves, play with them. Frontyard football, coloring together, soccer, boardgames. Talk to them. Lunch at their favorite restaurant, tough noodles around the dinner table, a conversation on the phone if they are off at college or raising their own family. Talk to them.

Volunteer. You have no idea how wonderful your life is until you volunteer to help others. Want to know a secret? Not only are you helping someone else, you are getting a blessing yourself. You don't even have to try. The feeling comes naturally. Each time I thank someone for coming to the Food Pantry, I feel just that, like they have blessed me by coming through.

Make a new friend: yourself. That's right. Get to know the person you have spent your entire life with. See yourself as someone else sees you. It can open your eyes. We are our own worst critics. We don't always see the friend that others do.

Life after 40 is not the end. Instead, it can be a whole new beginning. As I said, I am turning 47 next month. Yet I am beginning a new journey in my life in many ways. If you are turning 40, look at it as a new adventure. Think of it as getting a second wind or taking a cruise through the beautiful sea of Life. Oh, and don't forget, while on that cruise? Send me a souvenir.

Take care of you.

My Dreams Continue to Come True

2010-02-24T05:56:00.000-08:00

It's nearly 8:00 in the morning here. I have been looking over my original blog quite a bit lately because of a project I am working on. I started it in December, 2004, and I have been travelling down memory lane quite a bit.

I'm about two thirds done with a book I am doing. Yes, I know, you have heard that before. I really did write From War to Wishes. It really does have a publisher. One that has been patient with me. Oh I just remembered, (I think) that I actually let Skunk read it, too. Anyway, if not, he'll correct me. I know the writing group has been privy to it as well. But I was actually terrified to see it come to fruition. Some of the things in the book actually happened AFTER I wrote it. I was scared I was jinxing my older child.

I did complete a book that my cousin has and that several friends and the writing group have seen: He is My Hero: Memoirs of a Soldier's Mom. I have a proof copy I am going through before it is released.

I have a book out under another name with one more coming out soon that several people have seen as well. It has actually done okay for having no marketing whatsoever. It is of the romantical genre and is for sale at Lulu and Amazon.

I am working on a book about my stroke called A Stroke of Luck that a publisher has seen a partial of and has requested the whole manuscript which is not completed yet but I am working on it.

I am working as a freelance writer and it is actually beginning to pay off. I made the most in a single week last week that I have to date.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I am going down memory lane in my original blog because of the project that has motivated me the most. I am writing a humorous book about being a single mom. I am so inspired that I have worked on it every day. Skunk is editing it for me and as I read from it at the writing group Monday night, they honestly seemed to enjoy it. I knew I had a hit when they kept laughing. I felt an Oscar Moment in Time as I listened to them go down their own memorable lanes as parents and/or teens. That was exactly what I wanted the book to do for people. The book will end with the boys giving Mom away at the altar this June.

I told Skunk the other night that I wish sometimes I could go back in time to being just a mom. I mean having them all depending on me in one way or another, being needed, being the one thing I knew how to be whether I was making mistakes or not. He reminded me that I would have had to repeat some of the bad stuff as well. He really knows how to talk to me. He is one of my very best friends. I re-read a post he wrote back in 2006 Monday after he mentioned it to me in an email A Time to Heal. I cried.

As I checked on my guy last night while he was sleeping (he had not felt well earlier), I reminded myself that I am exactly where I am meant to be, where I want to be. He is wonderful, encouraging, faithful, loyal, and he takes care of me. I have to drive the church van tonight and he is going with me because he does not want me out by myself after dark in the van.

Today I am a writer, a fiancee, a volunteer, a woman who is discovering herself in the shadows of the Empty Nest Syndrome. I have actually been a writer since I was little. I have been married and engaged before but I am truly with the love of my life. While we get wistful about being neighbors 30 years ago who never connected, we both know my three children were more than worth how life turned out now that we are together. I have volunteered for many years through church, being a military spouse, a literacy program and Habitat for Humanity.

I have learned that I am not just a mom but that no matter how old they get or where they go to follow their dreams, I will always BE mom. Those are my greatest Oscar Moments in Time. And yet, here I am again, off on another wonderful and blessed adventure as I prepare to be a June bride and as my writing dream gets fulfilled every single day. In fact, all of my dreams continue to come true.

Thank you, God.

Catch Up Time

2010-02-16T11:58:00.001-08:00

It has been a week since I posted. Time flies by when your days are filled with happiness. I was looking at my original blog this morning as I got in there for something for an article I was doing and seeing my life now and how it was then...well...I just still can't believe it.

My guy has a sunroom and he was looking at hot tubs last night online. As much as I wanted a hot tub before, I think he talks about it more than I do because I am really satisfied with just being with him. I think we have decided on a 4-person one. Hmm, Becky and Randy?

It is a really big house and we were talking about different things to do with the rooms. We have decided now to make the room next to the office a library/sitting room filled with candlelight (my idea). Still, we made each a promise once again last night. Even with a house this big, we are going to keep our computers side by side in the office. I work on one during the day and I know he wants to check stuff out when he gets home so I can either talk to him or watch TV here in the office while he is checking his email and Skunk's latest attack on my FB. My friend Paula has hers set up like that, his and her computers in the same room, so does one of my cousins. I like the idea and so does my guy.

Hmm, he has his eye on a pool, too, but I don't think it's necessary. Unless of course, he wants one because it's all about his dreams, too. We talked about having our church friends over, my writing group, our friends we are enjoying together and of course, family. BTW...OMG, I can not believe I didn't mention this before. We are going to the hockey game this Sunday afternoon and my sweet little granddaughter is going, too...she just doesn't know it yet. Um..my guy hasn't seen me at a hockey game yet...you guys be quiet out there, ok? Shhhh.

Do you want to know the best thing about my relationship with my guy? Not only do I love him? I really, really LIKE him as well. How cool is that?

In My Dreams

2010-02-09T10:33:00.001-08:00

It's snowing here! I have big changes coming up in my life this weekend. I'm all excited. Oh, also, it's Valentine's weekend and I know exactly what I'm doing for my guy. Can you keep a secret? Me, too, since he reads my blog!

My guy read my blog post the other day about how he encourages my dreams. Afterwards he turned to me and played a song. He does not see himself as romantic, which makes it even MORE romantic that he is. The song he played for me? In My Dreams by Josh Turner.

Some men dream of crossing oceans
Some men dream one day to fly
Spend their whole lives out there floating on the water and the sky

Some men dream of building fortunes
Some men dream of having fame
Nothing else is more important then making money and a name

but,
In my dreams, I see
A little sky blue house beside a small stream
A front porch, a screen door,
The sound of barefeet running and cartoons.
In my dreams, your dreams come true

Okay, so I got sappy on him and started to cry. He played the song because of the part in the post where I said he needed to follow some of his dreams. When we were teenagers on the same block, he was into motorcyles and stayed into them for a long time. He did mention he might get another one and if he wants one, then he should go for it. He does like his gadgets, having more electronics throughout the house than Radio Shack and Best Buy together I think. We can't go to Walmart without him buying something back in the electronics department but if he enjoys it, then kudos to him.

(Although I have gotten on to him about his IPOD in church...till I realized he had three versions of the Bible loaded on there (King James, Message and another I forget). I thought he was texting or something.)

I come find you in your garden
Pulling weeds between the rows
Trade a kiss for a glass of water
Sit and watch what love can grow

Actually, he trades a kiss for a cup of coffee and he sees me messing with my writing instead of a garden. We have decided that we are going to share his office instead of having our computers in different rooms. In fact, he is putting mine on an extra long desk that he has in there so that we are side by side. We are going to make the room next to the office into a cozy little sitting room so we can watch TV by candlelight and enjoy the spring storms as they pass over. It's a fairly big house with three bedrooms, a dining room, living room and band room. Outside is plenty of room for the hot tub that we both want.

In my dreams, I see
A little sky blue house beside a small stream
A front porch, a screen door,
The sound of barefeet running and cartoons.
In my dreams, your dreams come true
In my dreams, your dreams
Are the only things that really matter to me
When you smile, i smile
What makes you happy makes me happy too
In my dreams, your dreams come true
In my dreams, your dreams come true

I still want him to follow his dreams, though. Because just as he let me know how he felt with that song, I feel the same way about him.

Valentine's Day Gifts

2010-02-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

Are you wondering what to get your sweetheart this year for Valentine's Day? As I pondered what to get my own, it occurred to me that knowing him, he would be touched by something created by me. He has been to my website several times. Of course! A poetry portrait.

What is a poetry portrait? It is something you get that is created especially for the love of your life, whether he or she be your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend, even a good friend or relative. Not only do I maintain my own website advertising poetry portraits, but I also do them as poetry scrolls for a wonderful client who has an established internet store.

Each poem is specifically written for the person it is meant for. No two poems are ever alike. They can either be emailed or framed and snail-mailed. I have done them for my own family members for years and was encouraged to do them for others. When I found out there was an actual interest, I was blown away and I have enjoyed sharing them ever since.

Valentine's Day is a wonderful time to give just such a unique gift. If you are wondering what to get your beloved, please feel free to stop by the website . If you have any questions, feel free to email me.

Poetry portraits are available for any occasion. Why not say I Love You with one for Valentine's? Your special person will love it and you will be so glad you did.

When the Saints Go Marching In

2010-02-08T04:02:00.000-08:00

My younger son has been a Saints' fan for many years. He had mentioned he was going to try to be in for Super Bowl weekend from Texas Tech so I got him a cake with a St. Bernard that said Saints on it. However, he stayed in Lubbock and we text back and forth while me and my guy watched it as his house. Albert took a picture of the cake and we text it to my son.

After first quarter, as the Colts led 10 to 0, I turned to my guy and said "Do you think as a mom that I can control the Super Bowl?" This was a difficult position for Albert to be in. He didn't want to mess himself up but it wasn't looking good. So being smarter than the average guy (sometimes), he pled the Fifth.

For over a week I have been singing the song When the Saints Go Marching In. I have met three people just this week who's birthday fell on Super Bowl Sunday. I congratulated them, more enthusiastically if they were Saints' fans.

The Saints deserved it more than any team has in years. They represent a city that had nearly everything but its faith destroyed. They represent fans who remain loyal through the years no matter what, such as my son and so many others.

I kept my guy entertained as he saw just how into football I really am. We are going to a hockey game soon and he has been warned I am even more excitable when I watch a game in person.

I'm not sure if it was the wonderful lunch we had with his brother and sister in law or the Super Bowl spirit I had, but at one point last night he asked "Do we have to wait until June?"

Oh, this morning over coffee, I asked him the same question I had last night about the mom in me controlling the Super Bowl for my son. Did he think I could? Without hesitation, he said "Oh yes."

Smart guy.

Friends, Love and Encouragement

2010-02-05T07:50:00.000-08:00

How many of you have been hit by this crazy weather this winter? I live close to the Oklahoma state line and we have been hit bad although not nearly as hard as our neighbors. Our hotels are full because of all the power outages there.

Albert got off early and came by to help at the Food Pantry yesterday. I love volunteering there. At lunch yesterday one of my friends said she has a variety of friendships and as she described them, I knew just what she meant. I have my friends from church that I refer to as my church family. I have my friends still from living in Florida over 40 years ago before I started school. I have male and female friends. I have friends I ran around with in high school and I have friends I've only met in the past five or six years.

I have my writing group friends who help me to feed the part of me that sometimes some people just do not understand. This includes my writing group here in town, Skunk, Randy and Becky and some of my church friends. Friends are full of helpful advice, creative critiques, love and encouragement. I have that in spades.

I have been ghostwriting for over a year now. I have three major clients. I have also disciplined myself over the past two months so that my personal writing that I have been holding on to for one reason or another are being released. I even did up a book of humorous blog posts from my original blog that is finishing up with the kids giving me away at the wedding titled The Pros and Cons of Raising Mom. My girlfriends at church love the title and Skunk has encouraged me as well.

Someone else who has encouraged me is Albert. He went to my friend's speaking engagement at the library with me. He would go to the meetings if it wasn't a conflict with his early schedule the next morning.

Years ago when I was a teenager, my stepdad told friends that I was a good writer and would do something with it someday. My ex husband thought it was a waste of time. In 2003, just before my son left for the war in Iraq, he whispered to follow my dream and write. I was in a relationship for over a year with someone who literally tore up my writing if he found it in the house. I would have to lock up poems and short stories in the trunk of my car. I have a guy now who reads this blog, my FB and his friends play songs I have written and he encourages me.

Now he better start following some of his dreams.

I Said Yes

2010-02-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know me, I have had a life that is far from boring. I'm not a dull person by any means and neither are the people who keep my interest. I love sports and being physical; been an Air Force wife and an Army mom; had a stroke and overcame it; had experiences that some people would think had to be out of some novel as outrageous as they were

For those of you who know me, I have never pretended I wasn't a woman in every sense of the word but that I am also a firm believer in God. I am one of those women lucky enough to still be friends with her first crush from age 7 (Remember Del) and my teenage love (Dusty). Starsky and I are still good buddies as are me and Sunshine. I have always said that I had a serious crush on Peter Strauss. Well, Peter has finally been bumped down to second place. By someone who is a man in every sense of the word...and a Christian as well.

I have long suspected that a man who announced a strong belief in God could get my attention. I always ask when I seriously date someone if he believes in God and if he would go to church with me if we were in a relationship. Most guys say yes but either do not go or only go for funerals. Stalking me by scoping out the parking lot for my car does not count in my book, either. My fiance goes to church whether I am able to go or not.

Yes, I said fiance. I am getting married on my stepdad's birthday, June 19. My sons are giving me away. The other day I was called in to work and my fiance went to church and my niece went as well (and she went up front...woohoo!).

My kids 100% approve of my fiance. We are getting married in our church. We are having "our song" played at the ceremony: Alan Jackson's "Stroll Over Heaven With You." Albert does not want season tickets to my heart...he has the sold out lifetime tickets instead. He can kid around with Skunk on FB and likes Becky and Randy (and I think its vice versa as well).

He encourages my writing. He texts me "I love you" throughout the day. He knows everything about me and still teases me that we may need to run off to Vegas, which tells me he loves me anyway. But no. I got married in Reno 20 years ago. I do not regret it. We had planned a wedding but needed to get married earlier due to a TDY he was sent on. But this time I am getting married in my church.

I am living my dreams every moment. I am writing, I have bands playing my songs and I have met (or re-met) the man who can literally make me ask Peter who? (He understands the joke behind that...on his IPOD is a lovematch test that matched me 86% to Peter Strauss). We lived on the same street as teenagers 30 years ago. I was into my high school boyfriend and Albert was into his motorcycle.

I wrote a post over the summer. Both of us felt the nudges from God while we were just friends. We shared as friends how our dates and conversations were going with others. Then one night at Applebee's, he said he felt I was the one. One evening shortly afterwards, as I introduced him to my youger son, I felt the same thing. Just as I was told that morning in July as I sat in church that I was going to meet the one, I have.

So...for the first time in my life, I am glad I never got Peter Strauss...cause I would dump him in a heartbeat for my guy. He proposes to me constantly. I once asked him if he was going to propose every day until we marry. He said no, he was going to propose to me every day after we marry as well. Three great kids and a guy that beats out Peter Strauss...can you see why I feel like the richest woman in the universe?

I love you, Albert.

Happy Birthday, Skunk

2010-01-25T06:53:00.001-08:00

One night some years back, I sat at the computer wanting to feed the writer within me. I happened upon a writing group. There I met two great guys that would go on to be two of my best friends. One I see at least every week...Randy. He and Becky are mentioned on here from time to time.

The other became one of my best friends as well. We encouraged each other in writing and when I discovered blogging, I pulled him along. He now has one of the funniest blogs out there and has stuck with blogging more than I have.

We encouraged each other in relationships. I tried to play matchmaker a time or two and he played big brother and confidante. While there were others who thought I had simply been going off my own way, he knew about something that was truly going on and how I was scared to communicate with any of my friends because of a literal stalker and hacker because the guy broke into my daughter's stuff as well as that of other family members. Someone I knew in person that I trusted. To this day, Skunk is and always will be one of my personal heroes, right there with my kids, my family and Randy and Becky.

We shared our grief. When a cousin I was close to died a few years ago, Skunk called me because he knew from my short blog post that I truly needed a friend. When his father passed away, I think (I hope) I was the same to him.

He nicknamed my daughter the Force of Nature. He wrote a post once and thanked my own son along with others for being a soldier. We have a shared love of football and storms. My younger son thinks Skunk is a cool nickname.

We have funny stories we share. Like the time the Force of Nature went into the mall and left me in the car talking to Skunk on the phone as I looked for something that was missing....my cell phone. Yep, the same one I was holding to my ear. Like when Skunk and Becky took over my Facebook wall and I had to literally ground both of them. Seriously, it was like they had paint and were following some gang initiation the way they just took over my wall. I had to put Seymour in charge of Skunk while Becky's daughter put me in charge of her.

Happy birthday, Mike. You have blessed me with a friendship unlike any other I have ever had. You are without a doubt a member of my Tough Noodles family. May your dreams come true, you have a wonderful day and seriously, women? This is one of my best friends...a woman would be incredibly lucky to have this guy so wake up out there (although I think Skunk needs to put some effort into it, too).

I love you tough noodles, Skunk. Have a great day, my friend.

The Most Romantic Night

2010-01-24T17:49:00.000-08:00

I have got to share with you one of the absolute most romantic nights I have ever had. Friday night my guy and I were listening to a live band at his house. Several of us went outside to watch the space shuttle fly over. That was so cool.

Later that evening the band played Season Tickets, a song I wrote last year. My guy led me out to his patio and we danced under the stars. The girls whooped and hollered, the guys kept playing the song. He then kissed me and said as we danced that he was still insisting on lifetime tickets.

He knows how gunshy I am but he never waivers in his love, his actions or his integrity. He is the most honest man I have ever met and I know some very honest people. He encourages my writing and he spends time with me, calling or texting me when he is away from me. My family likes him, my church family likes him and my friends like him.

He also has a sense of humor. He has proposed to me and I tease him sometimes about getting married in 2017, 2020 or even 2042. So finally today I agreed to a date. A day, a month and a year. Then later on, he tells me we can get divorced in 2099. I look at him. He says "Well, we will be dead then and you can't divorce me then."

So I said "Fine, I want a prenuptial gravesite agreement and when 2099 comes, I will have my grandkids or great-grandkids dig you up and kick you to the curb cause I want ownership of our side by side plots."

Ok, well, Becky and Randy got a laugh out of that so I guess you had to be there. The point is, for some reason, I have been greatly blessed with the greatest guy on earth.

He is planning a great Valentine's weekend for us. He is also planning a lot of the honeymoon. Not too sure about that. I'm not hearing any water spots in those details.

I like his friends, he likes mine. I like the members of his family I have met (niece and sister) and he likes mine. I like that the other day he was talking to a friend of his and he said "our Jeremy goes to Texas Tech". I like that he is rooting for the Saints tonight cause they are Jeremy's team and the only one still in the running for the family favorites. I like that he put a military song on his ringtone cause of my older son. I like that although he did not have children during his first marriage that he is looking forward to being a grandfather.

I like that he is a Christian. I like that he is straightforward with me when he doesn't think I am right about something and tells me I'm right when I am. I like that neither of us has a jealous bone in our body about the other even when somene else eyes us because we know that we are in love with each other. I like that he is proud to hold my hand and kiss me in public.

I like that he is romantic yet even though we were neighbors as teenagers, he does not make it seem like we should have gotten together then cause he knows I love my kids and like he said...we are with the loves of our lives that will last not only the rest of our lives but beyond as well. I like that he appreciates my special friends like Skunk and Becky that rate Tough Noodles status. I like that he says it to me sometimes.

I like that I can share on my Facebook about Friday night being so romantic and that he comments on it as well. He makes me feel sixteen again. He makes me feel 21 again. He makes me feel like that luckiest woman in the world because I am.

Catching Up on MY News

2010-01-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

Hello, Everyone! Is 2010 being as good to you as it is to me? I thought 2009 left a lot to be desired but I had some blessings come out of it as well. I began going to a new church in March. The one I had been a member of for ten years just was not filling the holes in my heart. My beloved home church now offers everything I could desire and more. The church believes in a vision for each year.

Last year was The Year of Freedom. I got that in spades. I put to rest an old demon. I returned to God after I made a promise that if he would save my oldest child I would give up my soul. I now know that He doesn't bargain and I made that deal, not Him. I have written a book that is being published at this very moment about my journey.

Second, I got free from a relationship (thank you AGAIN, Skunk, for being a true friend to me) that was the absolute worst one I have ever been in. He was controlling, stalking, threatening and hacking me and living with him was the worst decision I ever made.

Just as I was ready (as my friends can attest to) to just date and not get close again to anyone, I met a really great and awesome guy. Actually, we were neighbors as teenagers. I was into my high school boyfriend back then and he was into his motorcycle.

We were just friends at first. He would talk to me about a lady he liked and I would talk to him about a 7 hour date where I just wanted to go home or a guy I liked who lived in the Dallas area but it did not pan out. Talkng to my friend was good for both of us. Then one night he said he was getting feelings beyond friendship and could we go out on a real date. That was over the holidays and we have been seeing each other a lot. My kids like him, too.

He goes to church with me and my friends there see it in my face. He is meeting some of my writing group at my friend's speaking engagement at the library Saturday. Becky and Randy approve and vice versa. My girlfriends tease me that the phrase I usually state: "we're just friends" is not part of my conversation regarding him.

Remember a few years back on my old blog when I said I liked that Wade Bowen song: Who I Am? He is taking me to see him and Miranda Lambert Feb. 13 in concert here. I can not wait! When his friends' band played and sang my song How Can I Get Season Tickets to Your Heart? he kept his eyes locked on mine during the entire song. But then he leaned in and whispered that he wanted lifetime tickets. I am a sucker for romance and he knows how to supply it in spades.

As for my kids, they are doing good. The Force of Nature is in school, her boyfriend leaves for Army basic March 1. If anyone will be a strong partner on the homefront, it will be her as I told her yesterday. She's an AF brat and a combat Army vet's sibling. Texas Tech starts back this week and MSU starts Tuesday if I have all three schedules down pat. LOL. My grandson is walking everywhere...he looks just like his daddy at a year old. :)

I gotta go get a couple of articles done and then go volunteer at the church today. Everyone have a good day. Oh I almost forgot. Guess what my church's 2010 vision is? The Year of Creativity. How cool is that? AND, I KNEW it would say that even before they unveiled the banner.

Take care of you.

Happy New Year, Friends

2009-12-29T11:23:00.000-08:00

Friday is New Year's Day. As I sit here typing this, it is snowing outside. Again. Being wintertime, snow is common to most of you who stop in but it isn't to me. We have had what they are calling a Christmas Blizzard 09. We had a white Christmas for the first time since around 1978.

Still, it seems fitting that the snow is falling. The white blanket hints of warmth and the washing away of the old year as a new one dresses to begin.

2009 was perhaps one of the worst and best years of my life. My writing discipline is finally concrete. My friends are definitely my friends. Randy, Becky and I were discussing true friendship versus fair-weather friends just yesterday. I can say without hesitation that they are true friends and I hope they feel the same way about me.

I can say that about Skunk as well. I believe Joe to be in that category as well. He has honored me with a BFF for the past few years even as we keep busy lives away from blogging. And Skunk, well, he has hero-status in my eyes. He knows why.

I have other friendships that ring true right here in town. While Randy and Becky have family status, so do a few others on my Facebook. My childhood best friend who shared my Remembering Del post about her brother (my first crush) with her family when we reconnected. Yes, Del, likes it and knowing that made me feel like it was worth writing even more. If you would like to read it, go here:

Plus, friends from my writing group...kindred souls. They encourage me and to be among such talent...well, no disrespect but while there are best-selling authors out there I truly enjoy reading, no book has touched my heart like Come Hell or High Water and its acknowledgement page. TRULY, a good book...I kept looking forward to the next chapter at each meeting, what does that tell you? And the autographed copy of a certain edition of Chicken Soup for the Soul from another wonderful friend for my son, Jeremy. She inspired me to submit a story. Whether it is accepted is not as important as the experience of writing it.

I have my church friends as well. We text or message or Facebook when we are not together. We share a love for God and helping others. We share pride in family, support in unity and our faith. At 3;45 this morning, I could message a wonderful friend and she was right there to talk to me. How awesome is that?

So as you begin the new year, I encourage you to remember those you do not spend time with anymore for whatever reason as precious memories, those whom you are able to see now as gifts and if you are spending time alone, thinking no one cares...you are very much mistaken. Because you are worthy of friendship, each and every one of you who wakes up, who lives, who thinks, who breathes.

And to my own friends? Tough noodles and may 2010 be a year of making all of YOUR dreams come true. Happy New Year and take care of you.

My Christmas Letter to You

2009-12-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

I know it is still two weeks till Christmas but this is my Christmas post. I will probaby not write another one for the rest of December...then again, I might. That's the good thing about blogging...you can journal as you please.

Still, this is me explaining to all who read, and yes, there are a LOT of you who visit as my statcounter can attest to and yet you do not comment...and that is fine because it is another good thing about blogging...you can read as you please. :)

But this is about MY Christmas gifts from special people. What's that, you say? It's not Christmas yet? Contrare', my friends.

First, thank you, Becky and Randy. You are true friends. We can debate, we can hug, we can cry, we can inspire, we confide. You are both equally loved by me. I hope in some small way you feel I have been half the friend to you that you have each been to me, both separately and together. Next to my brother, I wish the lottery win upon you two most of all.

To Skunk. You are also a true friend. You helped me through a situation in your own way unlike anyone else could do. You gave me the gumption and the courage to say enough is enough. You have hero status in my eyes. You are perhaps the one person outside of those I know face to face that I would travel to in a heartbeat if you ever needed ANYTHING. Tough noodles, my friend.

To Joe. I have enjoyed watching your children grow up as you have mine through blogging. I am so happy that you have Shannon in your life. I wish you both many years of happiness.

To Teresa. I still claim you were my birthday gift all those years ago that happened by accident to another family...but since those wonderful sons of yours came to be, then it all worked out exacly how it should. I wish 2010 to be your year in every way.

To Tina and Paula, yeah I called you out! I have so enjoyed this past year in the writers' group. I am so glad I returned. Your Oscar Moment in Time was priceless, Paula. Your encouragement was too, Tina. You are both incredibly talented writers and I treasure Come Hell or High Water (as well as the acknowledgement page!), dear Paula. May both of you have many more Oscar Moments in Time in 2010.

To John. You have given me a priceless gift. If things are meant to be, you have restored my faith. Now,when Becky and Tina and Paula and Joe get to this paragraph, I'm so gonna get texts and emails or cornered at the Christmas party Monday night! But you are my Rider Guy and I adore you. The fact that we can be open and honest and tell each other everything and do not try to change each other is a gift in itself. Just as I tell my friends I will never get serious about another guy, you come along. How about I let you get the third degree when it starts? LOL.

I hope my mom and my sister and my brother and stepbrothers have wonderful years in 2010. They definitely deserve it. I hope my church family and our Food Pantry is blessed with abundance

I hope Joshua's dreams come true and God watches over him. He is and always will be a hero in my eyes. I can not fathom everything my own son has gone through and I hope he and every other TRUE soldier has a wonderful Christmas and a great 2010.

I hope Jeremy's dreams come true and God watches over him. He used to claim he suffered from Middle Child Syndrome. But he is far wiser than his years (in MOST things) and his protective nature with me is something I do not take lightly.

I hope my Force of Nature's dreams come true and God watches over her. After having someone I trusted hurt her by hacking, I do not say her name on here anymore. She has a wonderful boyfriend she has been with a year and dreams of becoming a nurse. And she gives the beautiful and talented Taylor Swift a run for her money in the looks department!

I have learned that having a stroke can help me to separate morons from good people. I have learned that true friendship is when you can be honest and still care about each other. I have learned (no, I ALWAYS knew this), that real friends do not disrespect their love and/or marriage vows and try to mess around with your significant other. I have also learned that God was simply trying to get my attention where someone else was concerned. Which means 2010 is going to be MY year in every wonderful way.

Merry Christmas, friends. Take care of you.

When All is Said and Done, I am Still Just a Mom

2009-12-08T05:15:00.000-08:00

I get up early. I have for many years now without an alarm clock, dating back to when the Iraq war first started and I would go out to the front porch, write, drink my coffee and have the phone by me so that my kids did not have to risk answering an early call or a knock at the door. We got the early call but thankfully never the knock except when that wonderful young man surprised his mama on his two week leave from Iraq one January afternoon.

So anyway, I still get up early and phone calls early in the morning can still scare a mama as I found out this morning.

At 6:39 I am playing pinochle, having coffee and enjoying the quiet of the house when the phone rings. I grab it, my heart beginning to pound as I read Texas Tech University. Me being me, and me being a mama, I answer "what's wrong?". My son has a cell phone and so do his friends.

It was simply the automated recording letting the students know early morning classes were being cancelled due to the weather. It was a courtesy call going out to the all the students and our home phone number is in the system. It was a good and a responsible call. Immediately afterwards I called and left a message on his cell phone.

But I cried with relief anyway. Silly, huh? But with every newsbreak talking about the Virginia Tech recordings and with the war still very much NOT a conflict but a war; with the kids off going after their own dreams and me playing 21 again, I am reminded that when all is said and done, I am still just a mom.

I guess we never outgrow those heart-pounding moments that come with an early morning call. I know nothing pleases me more than getting a text "I love ya" out of the blue from one of them. I know while I am enjoying this time in my life in some ways, sometimes I would give anything to go back to being on the field that day when I was her soccer coach, or his baseball team mom or any of their first day of kindergarten days.

I date, I have really wonderful friendships, I have a special relationship in my life at the moment and I am healthy and stress free for the first time in ages. Yet, when all is said and done, I am still just a mom.

And I like it that way.

Happy Birthday, Jordan

2009-12-05T07:14:00.000-08:00

I remember a day some years back when my oldest came up to me and said "Mama, when I have a child, his name is going to be Jordan". I can not honestly recall how old he was but I know he was 14 or younger because we were living in base housing when he said it to me.

Through the years he never wavered in that dream. Boy or girl, although he dreamed of the young boy holding his hand some day, the child would be loved and the child would have the name Jordan.

People are somewhat surprised when I tell them that little story. A boy that young already cemented in the fact that he would have a child so much so that he had the name picked out. At that age all they have on their minds is sports and the discovery of girls.

I knew. I saw in that matter-of-fact way he had that down life's journey a young angel was going to come into our lives. I did not know when. I did not know who the mother would be. I only knew that just as surely as Jordan existed for my son, he existed for me.

My son went on to become a child of divorce, to deal with cancer cells found in his lymph nodes, to becoming a soldier when told he never would be, to fighting for his country in Iraq. My son became to others what he already was to me, a hero. When he left for the Middle East, I asked every girl who knew him and was expecting or had a baby if it was his. Not that he messed with them, just that several of them had crushes on him. Both of my sons have that effect on girls.

Three years ago, he ran into his high school sweetheart's foster sister, who had always crushed on him. They got together and fell in love. She was already a mom and he embraced them as if they were his own.

Tomorrow, the little one planned all those years ago; the one who was introduced to me in a young teen's decision long before his parents had ever met; will celebrate his first birthday. He is his daddy's image, he is a loving and good-natured baby and as Becky can attest to...he is smart...he can "give me five" thanks to his daddy and he can "hi-five" thanks to me.

Jordan, you have made life complete for your Grandma. You are part of a family that has its flaws and gifts and you were loved long before you were born. I have a special gift to give you someday that no one else is allowed to have..it is the history of your daddy who will never tell you all of his good qualities but you will see them just as I do.

Jordan, you are proof once again of God's existence just as every child is. You are the best gift any family could ever receive at Christmastime.

Tomorrow is your first birthday and I hope God grants me the gift of being around for many more. But just as I have said for 26 years to your daddy, then your uncle and then your aunt, it may be YOUR birthday but we got the gift when you were born.

Happy birthday, my beloved angel. Grandma loves her little guy.

A Friend's Oscar Moment in Time

2009-11-29T08:24:00.000-08:00

I had a front row seat yesterday to a friend's Oscar Moment in Time. It was her first book signing and another friend of ours and I went together to support her as a writer and to experience the joy and pride we have in this awesome lady.

I loved the camaraderie and the spirit of the book signing. The owners of the wonderful little Western themed shop, Turtle Creek Trading Co. were friendly, courteous, humorous and just down home real people. It reminded me of the Mom and Pop feeling that stores used to and SHOULD still have and it was as natural as breathing to them.

I met some of Paula's family members and reacquainted myself with her sister. I stayed a little clear of her beautiful daughter as she is expecting and I had a cough come on. I met her husband and her son and his friend and I can see a woman who's life was filled with Oscars before Revis Kirkland ever came into being. Who is Revis? Why he is the main character in a book that has a touch of Larry McMurtry, a touch of the late 1950s, a touch of the down-to-earth people so many of us are who make mistakes and seek to correct them, and it has a whole lot of talent!

Don't take my word for it. See for yourself just how good Come Hell or High Water is.

As I observed my friend in one of her Oscar Moments in Time, she inspired me, she made me proud and she showed me the "backstage" view of a book signing.

A toast to you, Paula, and to many more Oscars for your shelf of Life.

Big Brother Secret Revealed...To the Only Person Who Didn't Know...ME

2009-11-25T06:50:00.000-08:00

It is no secret to those who know me that I am a Big Brother fan. I had a date with a blogger back in 2005 that started a relationship that lasted 9 months and even he was informed of how the date would have to be arranged around Big Brother. I had a stroke in 2006 that understood Big Brother came first..(ok, maybe not but I can pretend...I was at Bingo with mom at the time, not watching Big Brother).

Dates are still planned around Big Brother and the voicemail fills up during BB season but I don't care. It's Big Brother. I even finally tried out for it after indulging in wine one evening. I just might again because SOMEONE decent has to be on there after the crazy lady who thought 9-11 was a joke and was escorted from the show. I seriously would have boycotted my favorite show if they had left psycho on there.

Anyway, I also am one to laugh at myself and thought I should share a bit of honesty with you who know of my Big Brother obsession. I learned something about the show I honestly did not know just yesterday. It made my mama laugh so of course I knew it was only right to share it with you.

I have been sick for two days and yesterday I watched daytime TV which consisted of re-runs of a show I have watched here and there...Yes, Dear. It is a sitcom and it grabbed my attention because one of the characters (Jimmy) was chosen for Big Brother. Now, even though it was a re-run, I had never seen this episode and all I could think of was that I was getting a dose of Big Brother. It had several Big Brother players from seasons past on the show.

Then they showed me something that wasn't right. My wonderful view of the Big Brother house was only an illusion. I thought it was such a cool house...but it is just a lot on CBS. Oh my God, I seriously did not know that!! As Jimmy's brother-in-law climbed over the fence to the backyard I have watched for all these years, he did so from the a CBS lot.

I was crushed. My reality show is just fiction? Who knew? A Big Brother secret was revealed to the only person who didn't know it apparently...ME.

I know you're laughing at me. Skunk, stop it! And no, don't blame Seymour. Becky, stop grinning and rolling your eyes. NO, Joe, I am not ready for the looney bin. Paula and Tina, am I going to hear about this Monday night?

Seriously, I didn't know. But I made my mama laugh and I bet some of you are laughing. And guess what? So am I.

An Experience Shared

2009-11-24T06:22:00.000-08:00

She said “Hi, how are you?”
I said “Doing good and you?”
She said “Oh, can't complain
Just got over the flu.”
She said “I see you walk by here
Just about every day.
You seem to have a purpose
As you go along your way.”

So as we chatted
This new neighbor and I;
I told her my story
As her eyes got wide.
Of how a stroke of luck
Just three years ago;
Changed my life forever
Yet somehow it didn't show.

She told me she felt ashamed
Complaining about the flu;
I told her “Hey that bug is bad
I'm glad it didn't hurt you.”
Then she asked me if I knew
What had changed most in my life;
Was it family, love or fortune
Was there more or less strife?

I told her kids were kids
And mine were perfect for me;
I had taken a physical job
That I had mastered artfully.
Love was another story
As I showed her my cell phone;
Where a couple of old texts
Had hurt me to the soul.

If I did not think a guy
Was the right one for me;
He would tell me my stroke
Had made me dumb as could be.
But as I see the future
And I answer life's door;
I know there's someone out there
Who will be mine forevermore.

Just the other day when I walked by
My new friend came out to say:
"Hey, I thought about the talk we had
The other day.
Thank you for your optimism
As it helped my family so;
You see just the other day
My sister had a stroke.

She wants to meet you
Can you come with me today?"
I said "Of course"
And we went on our way
Now her sister is much better
And her doctor told this to me:
"Thank you for your story
It worked a miracle we can see."

You Knew It Was Coming: From a Veteran Soldier's Mom

2009-11-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

Once again, I stepped back and waited till we could get some truth out of the nightmare of what happened on Thursday, November 5, at Ft. Hood. There are still more questions than answers. Now here is my expressed feelings and you knew they were coming because those who know me know our military has my heart.

There are good Christians. There are bad Christians. There are good Muslims. There are bad Muslims. A soldier did not klll and wound our heroes that day, a terrorist did.

My blog has been viewed by the government. I can see it in my stats, especially if I mention thanking a Congressman or complain about the VA system. That is what I do. I acknowledge those who help and express my opinion of things based on personal experience with the VA system. I have no problem with anyone seeing my blog or asking me questions about it. I have nothing to hide as my real-life friends can attest to.

Business cards? Encouraging soldiers he is suppose to help to rise up against America? Using oral presentations for political rampages against the military?

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's quite likely to be a duck.

A friend said Political Correctness is going to be the death of us. If that means our REAL combat veterans with PTSD are kicked to the curb, while someone who's never been can claim it, then he is right. If that means grandmas are investigated while officers in our Army can correspond with known terrorists, he is right.

George Sodini wrote in an online blog that he was going to kill people. Let me tell you something, if I come across a blog that someone is going to hurt himself or someone else I am reporting it. Now granted, my schedule allows me very little time these days to even read my friends blogs all the time but I would still do my duty as a person because to me it is a cry for help.

But he killed women at a gym. Hasan killed 13 soldiers, an unborn child and wounded many others. Again, there were warning signs.

I was glad he survived. He can not go down as some martyr. Guess what, Moron? A martyr is someone who risks his life to save someone. That is a martyr, a hero. People who will rush into a burning building to save a crying child, who will rush into an alley when their commanding officer is shot, when they take down a plane so more innocent civilians are not attacked, those are martyrs and heroes.

You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier and never will be in this American's eyes. You have HURT innocent Muslims by being the shooter at Ft. Hood. You have betrayed your country by turning on your fellow soldiers. Allah, God, Lord, whatever we call Him based on how we view Him, does NOT honor murderers.

I am glad you survived. The irony? You will probably get medical benefits for the rest of your life because you were paralyzed in a massacre you caused while there are thousands of military veterans waiting for benefits because they HONORABLY served.

A hero goes to war to defend his country, which was attacked first on September 11, 2001. A hero saves a lady who falls down the stairs when he is working for his uncle. A hero helps her mother to walk again following a stroke.

There are many rumors that officials knew about Hasan, that there were complaints. This scares me. My friend is right, political correctness is going to be the death of us if we do not wake up and pay attention to warning signs no matter WHO the person is.

As for me? I may very well have added a new hero to my list: Lieberman.

So there.

A Note to Mr. Jones: Thank You Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood

2009-11-08T04:28:00.000-08:00

NOTE: A friend could not click the George Jones complaint so I re-did the link. If you cannot get it, it is http://www.theboot.com/2009/11/03/george-jones-carrie-underwood-taylor-swift/
I believe in making sure I am fair before I say something. Otherwise though of you who know me know I would have so gone off regarding the tragedy at Ft. Hood.

I promised myself I would stay out of it. Then I promised myself what I do...wait a day or two and make sure I don't jump on my blog and say something wrong. But Ft.Hood has had my heart the last few days which makes George Jones' complaint juvenile. Still, I'm the generation in between, I'm just a mom and I'm expressing my opinion to Mr. Jones and the world at large:

I grew up listening to Mr. Jones. My mama loved him. I still think he is awesome.

But, Mr. Jones? I adore Taylor Swift and I like Carre Underwood, too. I LOVE that young people are coming to country music instead of listening to just rap. If Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood are responsible for the REAWAKENING of country music and my children are listening to them and not just rap which contains a lot of vile words and promotes discontent then I say leave them be. They have just as much right to be expressing themselves in country music as anyone else.

But what do I know, right? I've just been listening to country music for 46 years, I have written some of my own (nope not famous, never will be and don't care); I'm a combat veteran's mom, and my 3 kids were products of love and victims of divorce. I was a sports and cheerleading mom. Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood ARE country music just as much as anyone else. They have helped bring kids to it as fans...that speaks VOLUMES.

Mr. Jones? You were not the first person to sing country music. You did not invent country music. Therefore, it could not have been stolen from you. You are a PART of country music past just as they are part of country music present.

How is Taylor Swift's song about liking the boy next door or burning her ex's pictures any less country than Golden Ring or Two Story House? How is Carrie Underwood's song about the girl burying her soldier sweetheart any less heartbreaking than He Stopped Loving Her Today?

I have always loved your music but it is not just yours. I love that kids today can talk about Taylor and Carrie and their songs and they are identifying with them instead of some rap song trashing someone's mom or calling women names. Gee, Mr. Jones, they say you are putting down female singers more than guys...sort of puts you in there with those male rappers, doesn't it? EXCEPT I am giving you the benefit of a doubt on that one.

The only one in danger of stealing your identity is you. Don't let yourself be remembered as the guy who whined and complained during his last years out of jealousy over talented young COUNTRY singers when you have a talent that should be remembered. Geez, no wonder younger guys are nicer to date..older guys really are GRUMPY OLD MEN. Remember, there were singers older than you that embraced you and there were some who shook their heads at your drinkng and mess ups.

These young ladies are bringing kids to country music...you should be thanking them instead of putting them down.

THANK YOU, TAYLOR SWIFT AND CARRIE UNDERWOOD.

Oscar Reflections

2009-11-07T03:58:00.000-08:00

I am enjoying most of the parts of my life right now with just a couple of small exceptions. However, something like what happened at Ft. Hood clarifies how really lucky I am in the wider scheme of things and I realize that while I do not always understand what happens in my own life, I appreciate it so much better and chastise myself for complaining.

Basically, those of you who know me know that I am so far from perfect I couldn't hit a baseball that far (and YES, I can hit a baseball). Those of you who know me also know that if there was one thing in my personal life I could change? It would have absolutely nothing to do with a relationship with a guy.

So overall, that puts me in the rather unique position of being lucky in many ways. So much so that I had to think about those moments I refer to as Oscar Moments in Time and go and dust off my own little Oscars so that they sparkle again.

I did just that and wrote down my up-to-date feelings and they were published here: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2359116/oscar_moments_in_time.html?cat=47

I have used that phrase many times in the past. I still do today. Becky and I spent time together yesterday. I was proud of the schools having the Flag at half-mast but could not understand why the post office didn't. We asked and they said they had to wait until it came down the chain. I don't know if it ever did but it hadn't by noon.

Then a lady came to Becky's sale with her brother. He had a stroke this summer but was getting along pretty good. His hands still bothered him and I told her I had a stroke 3 years ago. She asked about my speech. I told her yes, he would be frustrated over that as I remember how it frustrated me. It reminded me again of how far I have come and how lucky I am.

I just need to keep my Oscars dusted so I can remember that...and it wouldn't hurt to try to earn some new Oscar Moments in Time and that is my goal for 2010.

Ft. Hood

2009-11-06T07:53:00.000-08:00

To our fallen and wounded heroes from Ft. Hood..our hearts mourn for you and with you...our prayers are for you and your families.

Please also remember the reverse feeling of anxiety: that there are those deployed who call Ft. Hood home who have learned that their families were in a war zone yesterday back at home.

We are grateful and thankful that children weren't hurt in the nearby schools but we know that those soldiers were, no ARE, someone's children.

There is a moment of silence at 2:30 eastern (1:30 our/Ft.Hood time) today on military bases and posts all over the world.

I Posted on the Book Review Blog

2009-11-02T18:31:00.001-08:00

Ok, I wrote longhand today on my novel. I did not get it typed in to Nano yet...is that a bad thing? I will type it in tomorrow because today I posted my first review on the book review blog

I do not believe I did Lisa Jackson justice. I think I was nervous. All I can say is she is an incredible writer and if you like suspense...you need to check her out.

Next week, I will put up a review regarding a Larry McMurtry style book set in the late 1950s. It is called Come Hell orHigh Water and is the first in a 4 book series by Paula Bruno. It is for sell on Amazon and if you like Larry McMurtry, you will like Paula Bruno. Makes perfect sense to me, they are both from North Texas.

Life is good and this writer has skimmed 30 years off her age today instead of 25...I'm feeling 16 and it is only for me to need to know why. :)

Take care of you.

Day One

2009-11-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Day 1: I have 958 words on there this morning for my Nano Writing Project. I am excited. I'm nervous. I also keep checking the poetry chapbook contest I am in but the server is down. I know it is just some technical thing cause it comes from a reputable mag but I am wanting to get started...can you tell?

I need to work on a project for a client today. Jer is still sleeping. He got in late from his party..okay, he got in early this morning, how's that? But we did watch the Texas Tech game and Kansas was beat BAD...42 to 21.

It's November, I have really not liked this year too much and can't wait for 2010 to begin...but all in all, I am grateful for my blessings. Life is what we make it, they say. I'm going to do what I can to make sure that in the end? Mine counted for something.

Discipline Deadlines

2009-10-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm going to do it. I have never actually signed up for Nano Month before but I just did. I was so excited...and my keyboard sticks, that I left out the a on my user name.

I signed up for National Novel Writing Month. Is that how you say/type it?

I have a guitar player...I think. Becky's son plays and Jeremy said we could use his guitar so hopefully the teenage boy will not bail on me. If he does, it's Randy's fault...cause that is fun...blaming Randy.

I'm also in a poem chapbook contest every day in November, the Nano contest, my volunteering, my other stuff going on. Boy, it's a good thing I like being all about me at the present time..I don't have time for anything else.

Oh, but Jer came in for the weekend from school so we do have a date to watch the Texas Tech game this afternoon. Woohoo!!

My New Review Blog is Up

2009-10-30T11:41:00.000-07:00

My new review blog is up. I plan to change the template down the road. I wanted to put the link up so here it is: http://awritersweeklyreview.blogspot.com/

I will have a book review up Tuesday and have planned for that day to be my regular review day on there depending on how things go for awhile.

If anyone has a book they would like reviewed, email me.

Take care of you and have a wonderful Halloween weekend. I know I will because my son is coming in from Texas Tech.

Oh, I need a guitar player....HELP!!

Another VA Excuse

2009-10-22T03:46:00.001-07:00

There is no doubt whatsoever that the most painful thing a mother can hear is that her child is gone. I will be forever grateful that my son came home from war. This post in no way compares to the ultimate sacrifice made by those who didn't come home. This post is about being told once again someone doesn't exist: "You're not in the system."

Some of you may not be aware of this but when soldiers sign on, they have money taken out of their pay every month for the first year for the G.I. Bill. My son paid 100.00 per month. He didn't mind. He didn't complain. He does remember conversations where he planned to use his GI Bill after serving his country and being told by older, wiser men good luck on getting it.

After an honorable discharge, you have a limited amount of time to be recognized by the V.A. as a veteran. One of their best dodges that I remember? Paraphrasing the Oklahoma City operator: "Are you sure your son served? Some people are pretending to be veterans." As I held his DD214 in my hands.

Time and again, we have been told he isn't in the system. While seeking medical attentionand therapy to deal with PTSD, headaches and a positive TBI screening: not in the system.

As I type this at 6:00 this morning, the local news is once again showing what had been the lead story last night at 6: my son. This time, he is fighting for his G.I. Bill. Two days ago, he was once again told: "not in the system".

To this day, four years after receiving an honorable discharge, this young man has been treated like hundreds of thousands across the country. He has still not received a dime towards any of his benefits. Yet $24 milion was paid out to VA workers in bonuses and could not even be explained when investigated.

The next time you see a Veteran and tell him or her thank you, remember this about that person:

He lives every day with survivors' guilt because he believes the real heroes are the ones who didn't make it home.

He didn't tell the President or his country they weren't in the system so he didn't need to go to war.

Even after being spit out and denied existence, he would still defend the PEOPLE of his beloved country if called again.

As he deals with the residual effects of war,PTSD, closed head injury and memories many of us couldn't fathom, he still tries to go to school to get an education to take care of his son because the V.A. can't pay him benefits...they are too busy paying bonus checks to themselves.

I think back to when September 11 happened. I remember being a mom and thinking I wanted to get him out of his contract to join the Army. He said no, it was more important than ever to go.

I think back to the day we drove to Louisiana to tell him goodbye before he left for war. As a mom, I wanted him not to go. He said I didn't raise him to turn away from those in need.

I think back to a letter I received where he called me his hero for teaching him about God, a letter he wrote while in Baghdad. I taught him faith.

He has lost faith in the government and so have I. But I do want to personally thank Congressman Mac Thornberry for being there each time this mom reaches out because I certainly can't do it alone. And my son? He's one of THOUSANDS, hundreds of thousands.

I'm registered to vote. If I could, I would vote that VA workers do not EVER get another bonus check. Do you know how many disabled veterans could have received aid or how many college degrees that would have paid for under the GI BILL so these men and women could go out and support their families? $24 million dollars. While the very ones who aren't "in the system" despite proof are the ones who literally stood on the front lines.

An Oscar Moment in Time

2009-10-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

Some of us went to bed at ten last night like good little boys and girls. Then some (or one) of us was woke up at 2:30 this morning by a knock on the door to borrow the phone. How crazy is that? Not an emergency, just an apparent neighbor down the street who needed the phone. Then I could not get back to sleep. I will probaly fall out some time this afternoon and I sure hope it isn't around a lot of people.

I do want to share a cool experience, though. I do some freelance writng as some of you know. I have a few regular clients. One of the clients is an organization that helps people. Now, I have a feeling of ethics not to discuss the organization or the type of help it offers so I'm going to just leave it at that seeing as this is the world wide web but yesterday? I got an email and a gift from the client. An article I wrote was directly responsible for someone getting help.

This came less than an hour after someone had hurt me through words because that is the type of person he is, and not just towards me. An ex boyfriend who needs no other space on here except to prove a point. Becky and Skunk know who he is. Some people believe in karma. I never have. I believe that bad things happen to good people sometimes. But we are not given more than we can handle which is why I am in awe of people like my awesome aunt who has lost three of her four daughters. She was married to a preacher for nearly 50 years and her faith has carried her through fire. She is the strongest person I know.

To have someone tell me, though, that I indirectly helped someone because of my dream of writing was a gift. I do not mind telling you that I spent a few minutes telling God thank You for the reminder that I am an okay person, too. As I shared my little Oscar moment in time (as I like to call these little surprises) with my friends through calls and texts (Skunk...get a freaking cell phone), I was also able to share how my entire morning had gone and Becky as well as some other friends here in town helped me stand a little taller.

Thank you, Becky and Skunk for being my tough noodle friends. Thank you, Tina and Paula, for being not only wrter group comrades but friends. Thank you, Michael, for sharing my moment with me because you knew of my little burnout. Thank you to those who stop in just to read and not comment, I do that a lot, too.

Now, um, I have to get back to work. I have a project due this morning for a client. Take care of you.

Yes, It's Me

2009-10-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I am grounded. Usually it is by one of my kids or my brother but I kinda get the feeling I might be grounded by Joe and Skunk. I really am sorry but life just gets away from me these days. I mean, like last Friday? After being out of town for a few days, I called to tell Becky I would be over after my meeting at church. Well, I got sidetracked by a friend and we went out to lunch and there was this guy (for her NOT me) and we spent an hour and a half laughing over what could have been if she would have given him a little EYE CONTACT. But the lunch with the friend was just awesome...the guy thing was like getting a matinee for a bonus. The funny part was she had described her perfect man and he was right in front of her like he was custom ordered. It was too cute.

I got a great compliment myself yesterday. Talking to some great people and mentioning my son's head injury, one of them said "no way do you have a son old enough to be in Iraq". I informed him my son was 26 and I am a grandma. Oh yes, the compliment was awesome and I am having a lot of fun these days.

You see I have made a decision that has ended up being a wonderful turning point in my life. I have some wonderful girlfriends who are in great long term relationships. I have other girlfriends who want to be married and meet the perfect guy. I thought after my kids got older that I wanted that, too.

But I don't. I like the freedom of coming and going when I please. I like not being in a relationship where my computer gets hacked or someone has to drive by the church parking lot to make sure my car is there but does not want to go with me. I like being able to see a movie with a guy and then waving to him at church cause we are friends.

Yes, I also like that T has some of my girlfriends absolutely panting because he is 34 and quite gorgeous and let my friends at church know he has liked me for years but I like guys my age (for the most part).

My mom knows me better than anyone. She knows the two times I have cared enough about a guy to make changes in my life for him since I divorced ten years ago. She also knows that with me, when it is over, it is over and I ignore calls, texts and emails. That might have something to do with having so many brothers and stepbrothers. She gets aggravated with me, though and tells me that a guy who is in his 30s and good to me is far better for happiness than a guy who is older than me and paranoid because he is looking at his own faults through others.

Life is good these days. Wonderful kids living their own lives and having their own adventures. I admit I miss being just a mom but finding out I'm more has been a really nice surprise. I like who I am. That's kinda cool in the greater picture.

As for posting, I may post tomorrow or it may be next month. It just depends on where life takes me. The important thing is experiencing the journey, right?

Oh and I have a wonderful surprise. I'm going to start a review blog. I am going to review books, movies and music. HOWEVER, I am not going to tear anyone down. The blog will be set up this week with a movie and a book review. If I do not have something good to say about a movie or book, I will not review it. This does NOT mean it isn't good. It could also mean I did not even see or read it. I will post the blog link on here when the blog is ready. That much I promise.

If you are a writer, an artist, a poet, a songwriter, I will be happy to review your work. Just email me privately. I think positive re-enforcement and support are things we can always do for one another.

Take care of you.

School and Dreams

2009-09-02T12:10:00.001-07:00

I provide transportation sometimes for my oldest as he goes back and forth to college classes. This is a temporary situation but I have to say I am enjoying it while it lasts. He is so excited and animated about school. Although he is one of the older ones in his freshman courses due to his military stint first, he is nonetheless like a little kid. When I drop him off, I sometimes tell him and other times just whisper: I love you tough noodles, Son.

I am so proud of all three of my children. My daughter is drop dead gorgeous and I literally catch my breath when I think about how beautiful she is. She is crazy about a boy, has been for about a year now and I would not be surprised if one of these days....

My younger son is truly out on his own out there in Texas Tech land. I miss him like crazy and can't believe he is turning 21 next week. Where did the time go? All three are adults and I am free to come and go as I choose without wondering how it will affect them or school, etc. They are all three off at school and following their dreams.

So what am I doing? I'm just following my own dreams. A little flirting now and again. A lot of writing. Some volunteering. Still a sports enthusiast. Oh, and watching Big Brother...but then those of you who know me already knew that. :)

My Wonderful Date

2009-08-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

Last night was wonderful. We got to the soccer field early. My son was a little worried that the womens' soccer team wouldn't have a lot of support but soon the bleachers were completely filled. It brought back memories of me being a coach and the excitement was catching. There were three women on my left side who started talking to me like we were good friends, one even taking my arm to show me a situation that had happened in her own young daughter's soccer game at one time.

We were on the front row right at what to football fans is known as the 50 yard line. Once the ball even headed our way but hit the bar and bounced back towards the field. My son turned to me and said "you were ready to catch it, though, weren't you?"

No score yet at half time and my 26 yr old son left the bleachers to go smoke a cigarette right quick. When he came back I told him I had thought about it and no matter what the score we were going to double it and win by that much. I said either 1 to 0, 2 to 1, or 4 to 2 but I was banking on one of the first two.

The game was aggressive, physical, fast and exciting and if you are not into soccer you may not understand that feeling. To me it is like hockey in the fact that it isn't as exciting on television as it is when you are in the stands. But it is my favorite sport to watch, play and to have had the pleasure of coaching.

In the end, I called it right and we won 1 to 0. I turned to my son and thanked him for inviting me to a soccer game on a Friday night. He invited me to another home game next month. Last night was awesome and I wouldn't trade it for a date with any guy.

Now...let's see if my 49ers can come through tonight against my mama's Cowboys. Either way I will be in trouble. If my 49ers lose, she'll gloat and I will be a disappointed fan and if they win, she'll be mad and take it out on me...lol. Oh well, it's worth it. Come on Singletary, I have faith in you!!!

I Have a Special Date Tonight

2009-08-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

I have a special date tonight. I am so excited I love this person so much. He has no idea how much...well...MAYBE he does since he's a parent himself.

Yes, I have a date with one of my sons. He can invite a guest for free to a campus soccer game and he asked me, his MOM, to go because he knows how much I love soccer.

He is enjoying being in college. He may be the oldest but he seems like a little kid with his eyes sparkling bright as he talks about school.

This is a short post because I have to finish getting ready for my special date. Becky had to listen to me bubble for fifteen minutes or so but she was cool about it.

Have a great weekend all.

Tuesday Theme Song: Friends

2009-08-25T09:53:00.001-07:00

Becky got on to me yesterday. She told me now that the kids are all settled off in school and their own lives...

BLOG.

She said she keeps coming to my blog and nothing new is on it. I told her I was going to tell all of you what she said and if she's going to boss me around about blogging, she could at least comment.

Now...I'm kinda scared about what she might comment. I love you, Becky, and in the spirit of friendship, this Tuesday Theme Song post is dedicated to you.

So, no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your Job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

But -I'll be there for you ... when the rain starts to fall.
I'll be there for you ... like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you ... cause you're there for me, too.

Friends are special no matter what time in our lives we are blessed to have them. I love to watch the kids playing with their school friends and neighbors. I love to watch my adult children running around with the friends they've had since kids themselves.

I love the friendships I still have from 40 years ago. I've recently been contacted by one of my closest childhood friends and we are constantly in touch now. She's a gift in my life now just as she was all those years ago

Becky and I became friends about four years ago thanks to Randy. I remember her surgery. I remember different times when she has been there for me just as I hope she thinks I have been for her.

I enjoy some friendships I have online that I met several years ago, too. Skunk is part of my tough noodles clan now. Teresa is awesome and adorable as ever.

Having a stroke changed a lot of things in my life...more than most of you realize. But I am grateful for all the second chances it gave me and I don't take life, family or dreams for granted. Oh, and Becky said I have to blog more.. I promise I will.

You're still in bed at ten and work began at eight.
You've burned your breakfast, so far everything is great.
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these.
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees.

That - I'll be there for you ... when the rain starts to fall.
I'll be there for you ... like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you ... cause you're there for me, too.

To the Armed Services Committee Hearing on Mental Stress

2009-08-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

Those of you who have me on your blogrolling and bloglines have seen the post I originially had up marking the three year anniversary of my first stroke. This however, is more important to me and if you know me as some of you do, you know that is true. This is not a mushy, cozy letter but a deep from the heart concern from the mom of a soldier. If you are tired of hearing about our soldiers, you may want to move along. The sad thing is I know from experience that this post won't even be acknowledged by the government. However, JUST IN CASE? I have all the evidence I need regarding the many times we sought help after his deployment and after his honorable discharge.

Dear Armed Services Committee:

I watched your hearing on the mental stress problem in the Armed Services. I am very glad that you are acknowledging something that has been a problem, not just in this war but in every war under different names. I am very happy you are acknowledging that the spouses and children are also affected. However, you left out another group. JUST AS IMPORTANT.

Committee, single soldiers are soldiers , too.

You acknowledged the stigma attached to requesting help when on active duty. Then you say there are chaplains on post who can help. Let me tell you about a first-hand experience with that.

We could tell our single soldier, my son, was different after deployment. He had nightmares and mood swings. He walked off from his car one night and never went back. He called home scared and confused about his feelings.

I called his chaplain the summer of 2004. I told him we were worried about my son. My son was different. The Chaplain went to his First Sergeant. I talked to his First Sergeant. I told them this young man who had never been in trouble and never even had a traffic ticket had changed and we had seen evidence of stress and memory loss. Well, guess what happened?

He was called in to his First Sergeant's office and told to suck it up and get his mama off their backs!

Let me assure you, no one knows there is something wrong with a person as quckly as a mother can. I did what was right. I went to his command and he was reprimanded because we sought help.

He got his honorable discharge when his active duty contract was up. Seeing him every day, the PTSD was even more recognizable. He felt suicidal. I called the local VA clinic and Oklahoma City. The local VA clinic said IF he drinks alcohol they can't help him! The OK City hospital asked me if I was SURE he had actually served in the military when I was holding his DD214 in my hands! When our local paper published a comment from the new director of the VA hospital in Ok City saying there had never been a complaint regarding our local clinic, I called and asked if they wanted ours alphabetically or chronologically. On March 15, 2007 he was recognized as a military combat vet fifteen months after his honorable discharge.

Jonathan Schulze asked for help and was turned away. He committed suicide. Juan Jiminez was told he had too much caffeine. He was wounded in Iraq but the VA is giving him a hard time nearly four years later even with shrapnel lodged in his arm.

Our local VA office was a mess with applications being found in the local director's home and never turned in. My son has applied TWICE for his benefits and everything on their end keeps getting "misplaced". It isn't just mental wounds, there are physical ones, too.

A VA worker told us that none of the VA departments talk to each other, nor do they willingly share information. These hurdles HURT vets. Single vets are thrown away entirely.

The families of single vets and soldiers are not looking for a pay out. We do not need benefits. We want our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters HELPED.

We are still fighting for my son's benefits although he FINALLY has a doctor he can talk to locally. This is thanks to the local VA clinic being taken over by civilians and not the VA.

So please, Armed Services Committee, include ALL the military in your hearings...all the active and the vets, married and single alike. Tell us there are Chaplains and then make sure the soldier can go to the Chaplain without being reprimanded or called names. The stigma does exist and I didn't realize how bad it was until I had a child go to war.

I gave the military a fine young man that people knew I was proud of. I am still proud of him today. But he needs help and so do ALL single active duty members and vets. PLEASE include them in your surveys and statistics.

A Soldier's Mom

Happy Birthday, Becky

2009-08-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

I have this friend and a little bird told me it was her birthday in a couple of days. Now I already knew this but seeing as she will be out of town with her sweetie I thought I would put a post up a little early so she can see it if she is so inclined.

She checks out my blog from time to time. I don't know why. I don't think it is because I have something all that exciting to tell. Besides, she is privy to more than what is on here anyway. W

We became friends about four years or so ago. I was actually friends with her sweetie first. He and I met through a writing site (the same one I met Skunk through) and when we found out we lived in the same town and went to the same school, that was it. We became friends in spite of him...lol...he knows I am kidding.

One night we all went to a wedding reception (my daughter grounded me for breaking curfew that night...I think she grounded Randy, too). As Becky and I walked down the hall to the ladies room and back, I told her then and there that if (God forbid) they ever break up, she gets custody of me. Of course, I realize now that they are still together so she doesn't end up with me...she took that threat serious. Hmmm.

One day she told me she would go as a third wheel on a date because she was privy to something I had been through and she didn't want me to take a risk. As luck would have it, the person threw a temper tantrum and I haven't answered his emails or spoken to him since.

She sat in her living room one night and watched Big Brother with me. She isn't really into that show at all but she watched it for me. That was cool.

She let me stay with her at the hospital when she had surgery. We had the medical staff laughing. She could blame the anesthesia. I could only blame her.

She tells me when she thinks I am wrong and I tell her when I think she is wrong. I don't think we have made each other mad but um...she did say I had to be Randy's partner next time we play Password. So maybe I have. Or maybe it's cause they lost four games while me and her son WON.

She goes walking with me sometimes. She brought a book over when she finished it so me and my mom could read it...continued from the book before. A mystery and my mama loves mysteries.

She brought me a keychain back when she went on a trip. She knows I like keychains.

I have friends. I have good friends still from childhood. She has become one of my closest adult friends. On Thursday she becomes my age...although she likes to remind me she is younger even if by just a couple of months...lol.

Happy Birthday, Becky. I love you.

Pete Rose is inducted into THE HALL OF FAME

2009-07-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

I did it. I emailed Pete Rose. Those of you who read my old blog know that I am a major Pete Rose fan. If I could make a dream come true for anyone I do not know, it would be that he be in his well-deserved place in the Hall of Fame.

He will probably never get the email. When you are a celebrity that makes sense. Peter Strauss will never know he is my favorite actor, either and that is okay as well.

But I am a girl who loves her sports and I wish with all my heart that Pete Rose could be inducted into the Hall of Fame before he passes away some day. When I hear of those on steroids, having sex with minors and other problems, it makes me ill. Wow, gambling is just awful, isn't it? That was sarcastic by the way.

Baseball lost its integrity the day they pulled that on Pete Rose. Being from Texas I love my Rangers but it is just a game when they pick and choose who seeks favor and who is banned for life.

Pete Rose, I know it doesn't mean anything, but you will always be THE HALL OF FAME to me.

A Secret and Game Night at Randy and Becky's

2009-07-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

Good morning and I hope everyone is looking forward to a great weekend. You know that feeling I wrote about yesterday? It is still there, still going on and I want to share a little experience I had about a week or so ago that I haven't shared.

I am basically a normal person (hush, Randy, Becky, Skunk and Betty S my little childhood friend I am now back in touch with...woohoo!). I really am sort of normal. Hey, some of you remember that post I wrote on my old blog a few years back...Remembering Del? Betty is his sister. I absolutely adore her and we are enjoying catching up.

So anyway, you know I'm fairly normal, right? Well, like most single people, I get lonely sometimes but I am not going to SETTLE. And you also know I talk to God like He is sitting next to me like a regular person, right? So I tell Him that He needs to get on the ball and either let me meet my soulmate or put on my heart to be happy alone.

I'm happy now, and I figure that is the answer, right? But one morning, the pastor is talking. He says something and I feel God right next to me in the pew and just as loud as He told me that time my son would be home for Easter when the deployment kept getting extended, He told me I was about to meet the ONE. I know His timeframe can be different from ours but we all remember that particular Easter morning when my friends kept going up to one of the young men escorting me to service and said "Your mama said you would be here".

The really great part? Now that I know He has told me that? Everything is just so relaxed and I am just going along living and enjoying life and NOW...an update on GAME NIGHT last night at Randy and Becky's...

We played four games of Password. Becky teamed up with her guy and my partner was Becky's 15 yr old son, N. He and I won. The first game. The second game. The third game. We won the first three games...woohoo! Oh and then when we won the last game.

But I still love them. And I think the teenager actually had a pretty decent time, too. Laughing at all of us and beating Mom and Randy. So next time? Becky said I get stuck with...I mean I get lucky enough to be Randy's partner.

Ouch.

Please Pray

2009-07-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

Please pray for the captive soldier in Afghanistan who fears he won't come home again. He put his life on the line for our country. He is one of ours. Please pray for him and his family. Whatever may or may not be true on the video, just remember that if he says something you do not agree with he probably has a weapon inches from his head or heart. Do not judge a POW in a video when most of us have never had to walk in his shoes.

The truth in his eyes. He misses his family and he is scared but he is a hero, he went over when ordered by his country. Please pray for him.

You are our hero, Soldier. We pray for you.

Fact or Fiction Friday

2009-07-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I like to write...isn't that part of what blogging is all about? I can and have come up with a poem or a story on a dime...just putting it out there immediately for the person involved who needed it. I do blog posts on other blogs for products for freelance work and I write articles for others as well.

I enjoy writing. It's a big part of who I am. My favorite type of writing is poetry and I do poetry portraits for people by writing a poem based on a special picture that belongs to them. I started doing this years ago for myself...mostly about my kids. Then I would frame them with the picture that inspired the poem and they would decorate my home.

Friends started asking me to do this for them and I decided a few months ago to do this from my computer. I have had a few sales. I haven't advertised at all. That's the type of person and writer I am.

Do you know I have several books out now? Probably not because I don't advertise. That is okay with me. I have one that is near completion though and I am really excited about it. It is a work of fiction and has so many twists and turns I can't even wait to see how it ends. LOL.

Here is a post I wrote years ago. It falls under fact. I hope you enjoy it.

At the Lake

As I get back into my routine this morning I want to post what I wrote YESTERDAY morning between 5:30 and 7 while still at the lake.

It’s beautiful. It’s not even 6 a.m. and I’m out on the sundeck above the boat ramp. A tree ten feet away is the playground for several squirrels who stop now and again to watch the strange woman in blue as she writes, drinks her coffee, lightly tans and compares her surroundings to her North Carolina dream.

A top that hides little more than a bikini would and a pair of capris help my skin feel the cool breeze and the water is moving one direction in the lake. I can hear a boat off in the distance but mostly I hear the conversations of birds and the other sounds of the early morning bayou.

As I write this post longhand this early morning, there is a squirrel observing me from just a few feet away. Braver than the rest, he has wandered up here to see what I have. Perhaps the smell of French vanilla in my coffee has attracted him? (I couldn’t find hazelnut.) Just then a beautiful red bird joins us and claims the squirrel’s attention. I am not jealous as I become a front-row observer to their strange ritual.

I cannot use my cell phone here—it seems Alltel is the one the locals speak highly of. There are very few instances where I cannot talk to at least one of my three children on a daily basis. My daughter and her friends would laugh if they knew how truly isolated I was without my phone to reach out to family and friends.

Here comes the boat I’ve been hearing. He waves as he goes by—is he used to people being up this early? Probably. His motor has disturbed the water and the waves break roughly against the bank.

I did have a delicious little flirtation moment. When we got to the first little cabin Thursday night (ours wouldn’t be ready till Friday), the key came on the cutest little green t-shirt keyring. I wanted it. I was fascinated with it. Randy went to the office and they offered us two cute little alligator keychains instead. (I got one.) Well, as luck would have it, I went there to get a few Uncertain, Texas postcards and met the nice gentleman. As luck would have it further, he came down to the cabin next to ours shortly thereafter. I went over, gave him back our cabin key and said “Thank you for the alligator key ring; it is just too cute.” He said, “Would you like the t-shirt one, too?” Now you know I had to tell him how sweet he was for that gesture. Randy shook his head. He couldn’t believe it. As I got into the car, G (the owner) came around to my window and said, “Here, give that one back, this one is nice and clean and has no dirty scribbling on it.”
Randy’s daughter just looked at me and said, “I can learn a lot about flirting from you.” All I can say is I got TWO key chains and he was just the sweetest guy (and the best-looking one at the lake).

I had the opportunity to go to the local bar last night and declined. Randy and Becky went and I’ve yet to hear their story about it. (They had a great time.) They went with the owners of our cabin, a great couple from what little I chatted with them and their cabin is GORGEOUS.

I think about going in and waking them up. Perhaps I should leave the wake-up call to the ducks just below their bedroom window? How was my weekend at the lake? Relaxing—eye opening—worth every moment. Shhh---do you hear it? a train off in the distance—would you like to be here with me and see where it takes us?

Turning 21 Again Thursday

2009-07-16T04:41:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the new theme for Thursdays. It very much is how I have been feeling lately for the most part. I have enjoyed lunch out with the girls, Girls Night Out, friendships new and old and rediscovering a couple of wonderful friendships from childhood.

I have made plans for bicycling with one special friend but she is sick right now and we have to wait till she feels better. I am making plans to join the health club again and play racquetball with another friend.

The ability to come and go as I please is still new to me in some ways. I have no regrets about putting my kids first all those years, I had them, I wanted them and it was nothing less than they deserved. I still put things first for them when they need me to help with something.

But this feeling I am having? It is really nice, too. I'm having fun, writing, being more active with people my own age and I can volunteer all I want to in different areas. I'm getting certified as a medical transcriptionist and will never punch a time clock again. I'm doing freelance writing from home for several clients and enjoying that as well.

I'm taking a really cool class also that teaches me all about mutual funds and investments and I am learning alot.

So Thursday is going to be Turning 21 Again and I will share from time to time different things that happen that fall under this theme.

Have a great and blessed day, everyone. Take care of you.

Write Wednesday and Texas Tech

2009-07-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays are now reserved to discuss or share some of my writing. Right now, I am working on a project that is nearly half completed. It is a collection of short stories titled In a Calendar Year.

I read one of them at my writing group the other night and they seemed to really like it. I love that group. They help each other and critique and I have seen some fabulous writing. There is a lovely young woman who repeatedly gets published in the Chicken Soup books, another woman who needs to hurry up and publish her book (after a contest she entered) so I can buy it for my mama and a family guy who has a great science fiction type book I would like to get for my sons. There are others in the group who are awesome as well but those writings there stand out because I have discussed them with each outside of group by email or lunch or whatever. All in the group have some serious talent. There are teens in it who write poetry that take me back to that age when my writing first started.

I am leaving in a bit to help at the church today but I have been focused on family, Big Brother and writing lately. My son wasn't due back from Lubbock till today but he got in late yesterday afternoon and Texas Tech has a wonderful sense of humor. The booklets they sent home were hilarious. I think he is going to have a blast. Here's some examples:

Emergency Phone List:

Advisor:

Resident Advisor:

Attractive Person who Lives Down the Hall:

Library:

Attractive Person from Class:

Then there was a little booklet for parents and it started out: Parents, here are ways to bug your kids for another four years from home.

There were others in it but I can't place them right now. You get the point, though, right? I sure am proud of him. I'm proud of ALL of them.

Have a great day all!!

Theme Song Tuesday: For a Soldier

2009-07-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

Today starts Theme Song Tuesday and I want to thank Tanya Tucker for singing this song all those years ago because her lyrics are going to help me explain how I feel about the VA System in our country.

A soldier would not ask for help. He would stay by a dying friend, he would help his comrades. He would not worry about a headache when his buddy just lost his life. He would do what our country asked of him without question.

Would you lay with me
in a field of stone
If my needs were strong,
would you lay with me
Should my lips grow dry,
would you wet them dear
In the midnight hour
if my lips grow dry

A soldier would go to war and protect his country and his family. He would run to enlist when his country is attacked if he were not already in the Armed Forces. He would come home on leave and not want his loved ones to know the horrors he had seen.

chorus:
Would you go awayto another land
walk a thousand miles through the burning sand
Wipe the blood away from my dying hand
if I give myself to you?

A soldier would come home and try to get his life together. He would not argue when someone puts him off the one or two times he does ask for help. He doesn't realize that the VA system still does not put our veterans first or that some of the higher officials get thousands of dollars in bonuses while he walks around not understanding why he feels the way he does because of PTSD and a TBI.

Would you bathe with me
in the stream of life
when the moon is full
will you bathe with me
Will you still love me
when I'm down and out
in my time of trials
will you stand by me

So if you have a soldier in a combat zone, document everything. Names, dates, times. Your soldier is focused on doing his or her job. When he comes home, if there are changes or things happening that do not make sense to him, help him to seek help. He deserves it. They all do.

repeat chorus
would you lay with me
in a field of stone
will you bathe with me
in the stream of life
will you still love me
when I'm down and out.

Will we be there for our soldiers if they end up down and out just as they were there for us when called to duty?

Mystery Monday: Which High School Clique Were You In?

2009-07-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

Good Monday Morning all! As promised I am starting up my theme days through the week. Mondays will be Mystery Monday. You never know what I'm going to say. That's okay, I don't either sometimes.

Maybe I will post about the weekend or maybe about sports or politics or who knows. Monday through Friday will have a theme. That is when I do my writing at the computer. I stay away from it for the most part on weekends except I had a deadline over the weekend so I kept at it some.

Went over to Becky and Randy's for a while. Becky watched Big Brother with me last night. I guess I wasn't picked cause I'm not fresh out of high school? LOL, just kidding. My mom doesn't think she will care for Big Brother this season but those of you who know me know where I am going to be three nights a week, right? Oh and yes, I still plan dates around it so there.

This year Big Brother divided the players into four high school cliques. I would consider myself part off beat and part athlete. I played sports, was on the pep squad and some of my classmates thought I was kinda strange or mysterious because I was always writing which is why I joined the school paper.

Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about the girl I went to high school with talking to me at church about how I would talk to her? We never know when something will affect someone else. I got the gift when she told me about it all these years later.

So Big Brother has four high school cliques: Offbeat, Athletes, Popular and Brains. Which clique were you in high school?

Some Sunday Thoughts

2009-07-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

I see it has been awhile since I posted. Time flies by these days. My son left early this morning for Texas Tech. I miss him already. He did a year of university here and now he's at his second favorite college. The first being the Gators as some of you know. Still, we are now offically a Red Raider family.

My older son has also enrolled in school. You can tell the nightmare of the VA system has affected him. He went to the VA office on campus and got the GI Bill he earned started. Waited for them to tell him what the "hiccup" would be. None. Then he went to admissions and got enrollment started. Waited for them to tell him again, what the "hiccup" would be. None. He goes back to his neurologist in early August.

After reading some of the things that happened to him over there, I have been in tears at times. Sitting with a friend as he dies? How can you not be affected by that? Refusing to go to sick call and leave that friend over a headache we now know is the TBI? When they say leave no man behind, those teenage boys followed that order to a T.

Something else has been bothering me. Ok, two things. First, people took the opportunity to trash or adore Michael Jackson when he died. I did what I generally do and stayed away from posting about it and I am glad. Because his daughter's words made me realize no matter what the world did or did not lose? These children lost their father. My sympathy lies with them.

The other thing? My beautiful Force of Nature daughter has been having her rebellious period and I can deal with that because I did with the boys and they tell me she'll get through it like they did. But I have watched a little of the news lately and there was another girl abducted at the end of June walking home from a friend's house. It made me remember my daughter getting so mad at me when I would walk or drive her just a couple of blocks to her friend's house or had one of her brothers do it. Last night on Nancy Grace they were talking about how our parents walked us to our friends houses or watched if it was within view. I have no regrets about walking my daughter to her friend's house.

Some wondered why the mom would jump up and take a polygraph? It did not surprise me. She did it so they would get out there and find her baby girl. I would, too, if I was in that position. And the father is about to leave for Iraq. Do you ever wish as a human being that you could take a year or so off your life if God would just bring a child home? I find I do that when I hear of these abductions.

I have a son who will deal with the war for the rest of his life; another who is questioning the existence of God because of everything he sees and a daughter who thinks I'm the meanest mom on earth because she is going through a rebellion thing. But I sit here and thank Him because I know how lucky I am. One came home, the other will still be watched over by Him and the F of N? Well, in my eyes, Taylor Swift is the most beautiful celebrity we have ever had and she is second only to the F of N. What does that tell you?

I am thinking about starting theme days again to get back into posting more. What do you think?

Have a great Sunday.

An Open Letter to Lt. Col Fehrenbach

2009-06-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

Note: Remember that this blog lets you speak your mind but you are to do so with courtesy. If you disagree you may say so, If you disrespect, you will be called out in writing.

Dear Lt. Col. Fehrenbach:

I have followed your story for some time now. I am a soldier's mom. He has been honorably discharged but I will always be a soldier's mom and all of the troops are like my children to me.

I have two sons and a daughter. To my knowledge all are "straight" but it wouldn't matter to me if they weren't. What matters to me is the type of people they are on the inside.

I think you epitomize the true soldier. You go out, you serve your country without question and you are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice if it is asked of you. You have integrity and honesty which you have shown tenfold by just wanting to be you.

I admire you, and I pray that you get to return to the military that you love so much. I am not sitting in front of the television concerned that some soldier or Marine is having a relationship with a woman and I am not going to sit there concerned about he or she having a same-sex one, either. The intimate lives of our troops are not any of our business.

There are gay people across this nation who pay taxes and vote. Our government certainly doesn't turn away their money and they certainly go after that vote. Why then, should someone like you be penalized for being truthful and having integrity? This is wrong.

I have found out the hard way that there are many issues in the Armed Forces that soldiers are advised to shut up about. Not just being gay in the Dont' Ask, Dont Tell situation you are in but also, being depressed, being injured even. A soldier walks away from his car because of a memory loss and all he is told by his superiors is to get his mother off their backs when she calls concerned. The answer? A brain injury but no one cared.

I have found out the hard way that some parents cannot accept a child's choice of partners. I will never forget someone I cared about telling his own son that he didn't know if he loved him anymore because he was gay. I was so thankful that wasn't my child being told that. More than anything, that stopped my feelings for the parent in question.

I believe with every part of my being that God loves all of us no matter who we are. Some say a person cannot help being gay and I believe that. God therefore knows and understands and as our Heavenly Father, He loves all of us. All He wants is our love in return and to know that we are living our lives for the greater good of all.

Your service record is admirable. You as a soldier and a person are admirable. Lt. Col. Fehrenbach, if you ever run for President, you have my vote. Someone with honesty and integrity being punished for having, well, honesty and integrity?

I have found that those who deserve honor the most don't seek it. Those who deserve punishment the least get it in spades. Those who speak against God cry out to Him when they have made mistakes. Those who feel unworthy of Him are in awe as they see miracles start to happen in their own lives every day as I have been seeing in mine. I have a son who is a combat vet who will not stand and be applauded because he says the real heroes died over there. I have a younger son who gets his picture in the paper for helping with a charity and doesn't mention it because he was just "doing what was right". One served in the Army and the other plans on the Marines.

You do not deserve to be punished, Sir, and I salute you for your patriotism and your honor. I applaud you for being one of our nation's heroes. I commend you for your integrity and your stand.

I pray you are allowed to return to service, Lt. Col. You are one of my heroes.

A soldier's mom.

My Week

2009-06-20T11:09:00.001-07:00

I am having so much fun. Life is really moving along and I am busier than ever. I just joined a belly dancing class. I am volunteering through church. I am writing like crazy. I am freelancing and earning an income from WRITING. I am flirting (duh) and having fun in that area. I am enjoying time with family and friends. I am taking classes to be certified as a medical transcriptionist.

This is a typical week of evenings for me as of now.

Monday (every other): Writing Group

Tuesday: Belly dancing class

Wednesday: Church

Thursday: Nothing planned/spontaneous...this coming Thursday evening is Girls Night Out with girlfriends

Friday" Date night

Saturday: Date night

Sunday: church

The days are spent writing, taking the medical trans. classes, and freelance writing with weekends off. Just made fifty dollars on my poetry portrait site doing two Father's Day ones. Woohoo!

Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!

One of the Different Selves of Me is on Amazon...WooHoo

2009-06-12T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Lots of exciting stuff going on around our house. I know I should blog more but I have really been busy. Still, I am trying to learn more about marketing in regards to my writing and I had some news.

Some of you know I write under a second name as well. Lulu sent me an email telling me that book, which has done really well for them...has been placed on Amazon. I have had people email me and request sequels and I have one coming out.

To be honest? It is the woman self in me. It's short shorts of a romantica vein...which is romantic erotica. That means it is adult but it is not hard core; it is very imaginative. Those who have copies have told me they really like it. Again, I have had many requests for a sequel which is near completion.

If anyone is interested, send me an email and I will be happy to share the title and pen name and where it can be found on Amazon and Lulu.

I can honestly tell you that I have made a comfortable bit of money writing under that name. Plus, it allows me to explore the woman side of me and I enjoy that.

Have a great weekend all.

Summer Nights

2009-06-10T08:50:00.001-07:00

Note: Someone from Louisville Kindred Healthcare was in my blog TWELVE times between June 1 and June 7. Isn't that nice? Good thing I was totally truthful in my right to free speech here in AMERICA.

I was going to blog about a song I heard yesterday that took me down memorylane...Escape...the Pina Colada Song by Rupert Holmes. I loved that song as a teenager but as an adult I now understand the dual meaning of the lyrics so I decided not to.

But this morning as I was running errands, I heard another old favorite from my teen years. I listen to two radio stations a lot...the Outlaw 94.9 here in my town and Platinum 96.7 out of the Dallas area. The Outlaw does some country artists but a lot of music from Texoma people and I love it. Platinum does a lot of stuff from my mom's generation, mine and yes a few from my kids. I LOVE IT.

So I get a text from a friend this morning...Good Morning, Sunshine. I write him back Good morning yourself, Moonshine. I am listening to Summer Nights.

I love that song. I love a lot of songs from my teen years.

He texts again lol u r something

Me; N u r something else.

And it goes on like that. I don't know why my daughter thinks I am as bad on a cell phone about texting and talking as teenagers but hmm, maybe she has SOMEWHAT of a point.

But that song...it takes me back to high school. It takes me back to fun times with Dusty. It takes me back to nights out at the lake with my friends, going to the drive-in and spending more time car-hopping with buddies than watching the movie. Another high school friend and I have re-connected over the past few months. He and I find it easy to talk to each other as just that...buddies. I LOVE the fact that I have friendships that are decades old. That Dusty can text me "hey get online and let's play pinochle" and that J can text me "hey what are you doing? how is your mom?" I love that a girl from high school seeks me out at church and hugs me because I was a positive memory in h.s. for her.

Summer lovin' had me a blast
Summer lovin', happened so fast
I met a girl crazy for me
I met a boy, cute as can be
Summer days driftin' away,
To uh-oh those summer nights
Tell me more, tell me more,
Did you get very far?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Like, does he have a car?

Hanging out at the drag races with friends and family. Driving the powder puff division as they called it for girls back then.

She swam by me, she got a cramp
He went by me, got my suit damp
I saved her life, she nearly drowned
He showed off, splashing around
Summer sun, something's begun,
But uh-oh those summer nights
Tell me more, tell me more,
Was it love at first sight?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Did she put up a fight?

Going fishing and then family fish frys. Going back to that lake at night with friends and just hanging out.

Took her bowlin' in the Arcade
We went strollin', drank lemonade
We made out under the dock
we stayed up until ten o'clock
Summer fling don't mean a thing,
But uh-oh those summer nights
Tell me more, tell me more,
But you don't gotta brag
Tell me more, tell me more,
Cause he sounds like a drag

We had fun going to the skating rink and playing frontyard football. We had fun playing baseball and tennis at the school cause it was closed for the summer but the field and tennis courts were open.

He got friendly, holdin' my hand
Well she got friendly, down in the sand
He was sweet, just turned eighteen
Well she was good, you know what I mean
Summer heat, boy and girl meet,
But uh-oh those summer nights
Tell me more, tell me more,
How much dough did he spend?
Tell me more, tell me more,
Could she get me a friend?

I had times like that as a single mom as well when I decided during my son's illness to just raise them and then concentrate on me. This turning 21 feeling has me doing some of the things I enjoyed back then...fishing, boating, bowling. Only movies are inside now and skating isn't as much fun as it was with a lot of friends around. Frontyard football though is with my kids and soccer and hockey are all the rage for me.

It turned colder, that's where it ends
So I told her we'd still be friends
Then we made our true love vow
Wonder what she's doin' now
Summer dreams ripped at the seams,
But oh, those summer nights

They didn't know they would see each other again in the fall. We all did, though. Nearly thirty years later Dusty and I are still very close and J and I and others keep in touch quite a bit from time to time.

I wouldn't trade them or the memories for the world. Oops, gotta go...just got another text from Moonshine.

Writing Groups

2009-06-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it is hard to post on here. I start posting and I think That would make a really great story for one of my freelance articles.

But I like blogging. I don't do it near as much as I used to. I enjoy writing still. I have an entire office now dedicated to my new life as a freelance writer. I am living my dream. I come and go as I choose, pick my own hours and have the freedom to be with family and friends whenever I like.

God has been incredibly good to me in the last three months but then He always has been even when I couldn't see it at the time.

I know I have said this before on my old blog and it didn't seem to happen except for the CD that some of you have. I'm the first to say I am wrong...when I am wrong. But this summer you are going to see what has been going on in my life. My books are out, although two are being revised. My poetry portraits have taken off and my songs are coming to life. Why? Because I am giving 100% of my time and effort and faith to it (AFTER family of course).

Skunky, check your email. I need to get on the phone with you and verify something so I can snail mail the first few chapters of you know what and you know why. It's just about done.

The number one thing that has helped me in my writing has been my writing group. One of the girls (maybe more) has the link to my blog and I am learning things, taking wonderful and helpful critiques and being inspired by this wonderful group of people who have such incredible talent. So much so that I am on the "waiting list" as I call it for one man's book for my sons and one woman's book for my mom. I tell them so whenever I see them so there.

If you are a writer, I encourage you to seek out a writing group. While FWTW was held up thanks to fear and a physical situation, I am excited and grateful it is about to appear. While experiencing something that led to another novel, I also decided the time was now or never to chase those dreams.

So while one website is up http://www.poetryportraits.webs.com/, two others are near completion. Those of you who know me know I'm not computer literate so they are taking time.

Oh, and um...I'm learning how to play the guitar thanks to my sons and a friend. How cool is that?

So my other advice is this: It doesn't matter how young or old you are; or if you have had a physical handicap or medical experience; or if you have a family member gone to war....these things can all INSPIRE you to be the best you can be and SHOULD inspire you to follow your dreams. And as some of you know, I have had ALL of these situations personally happen and wouldn't say you could do it if I didn't know from experience.

Oh and if like me, you have procrastinated? I have just the ebook for you. :)

I Love You Tough Noodles

2009-06-06T08:04:00.001-07:00

My older son asked me to do something yesterday.

Hey, Mom, want to cook dinner with me?

Now, depending on who you are and whether you like to cook, that could be a pleasant or not so pleasant situation. But...if you are a parent who has turned 21 again because of the Empty Nest...you know it is a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.

So I said yes.

We made Cheddar and Broccoli rice with hamburger meat mixed in. We heated up some green beans. We made "tough noodles" with love and laughed together with my mom as we recounted the story (once again) for family members who were there.

When I was a young mom with a sweet young man in kindergarten and a newborn baby boy, Joshua would get out of the car every morning for school. I would call to him "I love you" and he would answer back "I love you tough noodles, Mommy"

I had made macaroni and cheese quite a bit back then for him and he ate it and then when my mom made it he found it was a lot softer. My mom told me my noodles were not done, they were "tough".

Joshua, ever my white knight even as a little one, jumped to his Mama's defense. "I love you, Mommy, tough noodles and all and that's the most you can love anyone!"

It began a phrase that has lasted more than twenty years in our family "I love you tough noodles" cause that is the most you can love a person just as a wise five year old said way back then.

When dinner was ready yesterday, Josh then fixed everyone's plate. A lot of his military breeding has stayed with him and he was the "chef" and I his assistant. The macaroni and cheese? I was in charge and it came out just a touch not quite ready.

As we all ate dinner, everyone was saying "thanks" "good" and all that. I told my son thank you for a memory together. He said "No problem, Mom. I still love you, tough noodles and all."

What Kindred Healthcare Said

2009-06-01T05:38:00.001-07:00

Because I believe in fairness, I have copied Kindred's press release regarding the flag that I posted about below. I also want to say in a better and more truthful way than the Dixie Chicks did that the co-worker who took down that flag? NOT from Texas. Not even from AMERICA.

This is what Kindred said and I thought everyone should know:

STATEMENT REGARDING AMERICAN FLAG INCIDENT AT KINDRED HOSPITAL MANSFIELD
Louisville, KY (May 28, 2009) – Kindred Healthcare, Inc. (the "Company") (NYSE: KND) issued this statement today regarding an incident involving an American flag at Kindred Hospital Mansfield:
We are offended one of our employees took down a colleague's American flag in our Mansfield, TX hospital. It was wrong and as soon as we learned about it we took immediate action to correct the situation. At no time did anyone at Kindred Healthcare instruct anyone to take down the American flag. This was an unauthorized act of an individual employee. The flag is now proudly displayed once again, and we apologize to all who were equally offended by this unpatriotic action, including the owner of the flag. We have reprimanded the employee and let them know we don't tolerate behavior inconsistent with our Company's values.

Go Home, Lady, and Take Kindred Hospital With You

2009-05-31T06:53:00.001-07:00

First, I want you to know I corrected the post below. The woman I admire that I stated was in Oklahoma is in fact in Arlington, Texas. I was watching the Oklahoma news because of something else and thought she was in Oklahoma. But hey, if I can lose my cell phone when I am talking to Skunk on it, then I can make a mistake like that, okay?

But this post is about that situation. My two cents' worth can get on peoples' nerves from time to time. If you disagree, feel free to say so. I don't moderate comments. But don't cuss another commenter or me out or you will have this Mama's wrath, understood?

So if you haven't been privy to the latest no-no in this free country of ours, take a look here and here where the woman tosses OUR FLAG on the floor. And just as I stated above, I am not going to cuss out someone from another country or even that hospital but I do have one thing to say:

If you don't like it here, go home and take the hospital with you.

Oh, but Monica, this is a free country so why doesn't the foreign co-worker have the right to feel offended?

Because if I go to another country and I have been to several, I do NOT disrespect them by expecting them to remove their flag. It is their country and they should hang it proudly. The fact that so many are coming over here to enjoy the freedom to walk around and have opinions without being shot should tell them that not only should the American flag NOT offend them, they ought to be saluting it for embracing all to be free.

I guess the co-worker who wasn't born here was out of the country the week the young boy in school was suspended for taking a phone call from his mom who was serving in Iraq. That suspension was overturned in a hurry when America backed him up.

Lady (and I use the term LOOSELY), if you don't like it, go home. I would not go over to your country and insist on a flag my son literally fought and served under to be put down and if you had put MY flag on the floor, you would be picking yourself up off of there as well. Because when you assault my flag, you assault my combat veteran son. And I am one fierce Mama.

Kindred Hospital, this is NOT between two employees as you stated. The ONLY disrespect shown here was to a mother who's husband and sons served and who's daughter is in Iraq at this very moment. She put the flag up just before Memorial Day in HONOR of our fallen veterans. All Americans know what ALL our service members of every race and gender have done for this country and those of us who can look across a table at our sons and daughters who have been to war and know that it could have just as easily been a memorial holiday for our children can not and WILL NOT tolerate being told we are offensive.

Tough.

Go home.

I have family in the DFW area and I can assure you, none of us will EVER go to that hospital for ANYTHING. The ironic thing is you were in Fortune 500 for most admired company? I won't be surprised if you don't make it this year.

Kindred hospital: I find YOU offensive for tolerating and bowing down to someone who has no respect for this country. HOWEVER, I DO acknowledge that you issued a statement AFTER Memorial Day weekend FINALLY backing the AMERICAN.

Debbie McLucas? YOU ARE MY HERO just as your children and mine are. How cool was it that your daughter stated in that phone interview that you were her hero? I know how you felt, I have a letter from my combat vet son while he was in Iraq telling me the same thing.

Years ago the Dixie Chicks made a faux pas and said they were ashamed Bush was from Texas. I have not always agreed with Bush but I would never say that. He was my president and my son served under him. But I am most definitely ashamed of this hospital in Mansfield, Texas.

First "they" (no, NOT Kindred hospital) complained about us acknowledging God in prayer, the pledge and at Christmastime. Now "they"are whining about our flag on OUR OWN SOIL.

Go home. We don't need or want you here if you feel that way. I'm in Texas. Don't EVER mess with MY flag.

Remember the Different Selves of Me?

2009-05-29T10:30:00.000-07:00

My old blog had a few posts on it about the different selves of me. They have been coming out quite a bit lately. ALL of them.

Mom: Still the number one me and always will be. I am here for my kids even on days they probably wish not so much...but then something they say or do lets me know that they do appreciate it. Whether I am battling the angst of a beautiful young woman, being asked first thing in the morning about a FAFSA for a Texas Tech student, or fighting the VA system for a combat veteran, I know I won't give up because I am doing these things for my kids and they ARE the greatest things that have ever happened to me. This is me.

Daughter/Sister: I make an appointment for my mom; I help out the white knight I call my brother...I also call him a brat cause he is my YOUNGER brother. I think back fondly over siblings that have passed. This is me.

Friend: I am blessed in some friendships that have withstood time, the renewal of a couple of friendships from high school, and new friendships I have made in the past few months. I remember a high school friend I adored and even a high school rival that has passed. The wisdom of age can certainly change some perspectives, can't they? The high school rival is remembered in a short story in a collection that I am working on right now called Guardian Angels. I hope I am there for my friends, and I am grateful they are there for me.

Writer: I am tempted to say this is my passion. It's not. It is my dream. My passion as I have confirmed in my heart and actions is my children. But writing is me. It is a part of who I am. I write songs, poetry, short stories, novellas, novels, articiles and non-ficiton. I have a prayer journal and a personal journal. I have a bond with my new little granddaughter in that she and I love to create and have put a little book together (she had her kindergarden graduation today!). I can express myself with the written word in ways I can't with the spoken. This is me.

American: This is me. I don't understand the woman being penalized by her job in Arlington for having an American flag in her office. Seriously, she may literally lose her job. It was on the news. Her husband and sons were military and her daughter is fighting in Iraq. But a co-worker from another country complained about an American flag being in an office in an American state. The one in jeopardy of losing her job? The American. She needs God's Pro Bono lawyer, don't you think? (Some of you may remember that post.) We can't worship openly as we please in America and now we can't display our own patriotic pride? The co-worker is perfectly free to return to his or her own country if this is the case in MY opinion. Kudos to the American Soldier's Mom. YOU are my hero, Mom of the lady soldier.

There are other sides to me but I'll save them for another day.

What Obama Did from a Mom's Point of View

2009-05-25T13:08:00.001-07:00

Some people are up in arms about President Obama not traditionally laying the wreath himself at the Confederate Soldiers Memorial. As the mom of a combat veteran, I want to add my two cents' worth to this.

I applaud the President.

No, I did not vote for him but whether you believe it or not, it had nothing to do with race.

The African-American soldiers who fought against the Confederate soldiers did the same thing as they did...they fought for their country. They fought for their freedom. Truthfully, they should have been acknowledged all along. Once we became one country united, then weren't we ONE country UNITED?

My country consists of men and women of all ages, colors, backgrounds and cultures. Throughout generations they have fought for their freedom. I say kudos to the President for respecting all of our fallen soldiers of every race from every war.

This past week my church has said prayer over my son for his injuries and we have acknowledged with respect the men and women of the Armed Forces. We have prayed over the ones who fell in the name of freedom and those who are over there right now who could not be home with their families this holiday weekend.

To this day, my son does not like to stand when events want to acknowledge our veterans. He asked me the other day why he should be entitled to his VA benefits when his friend gave his very life. I said "So one of these days, you can help a soldier who comes home and needs YOUR experience to help him."

Today I am reminded that while my family has a wounded soldier, we are very richly blessed in that ours came home. I believe the family members of those who made the ultimate sacrifice would trade places with me instead of having their loved ones remembered on this day. I know I would if it were reversed.

So thank you, "Rodriguez", the young man my son remembers fondly. Thank you, all of you who made the ultimate sacrifice. Thank you for fighting for the freedom of this country, for your right to freedom because you are human and not just white or black or pray a certain way or call God by another name.

Thank you, President Obama, for remembering ALL those who have gone before. And PLEASE, don't forget the ones who will forever deal with the wounds and memories of past and current wars.

I'm a Great-Grandma

2009-05-22T06:56:00.001-07:00

I have a very special best little friend. She is my granddaughter and she is almost six years old. We do not share DNA but we are the VERY best of friends in that grandmother/granddaughter role. She is creative and we wrote a little story together about our cats and a wolf.

She is always telling me she wants to live with me and that I am the greatest and I tell her she is the greatest (because we do NOT lie to our grandchildren).

We went to Dollar General a few weeks ago. We were standing in line. We were both dressed up as we had just been to Sunday morning service. This lady asked "Are you out shopping with Mommy?"

At the same time I proudly said "This is my granddaughter", Tamra said "She's my great grandma."

The woman looked startled and said "Oh no, she can't be your great grandma!" Now, I understood what she meant, you know? But Tamra got tears in her eyes and said "She is too the greatest grandma!" So I had to explain to the lady what we do and I had to tell Tamra she was right and it was just the funniest thing. The whole family laughs about me being a great grandma now.

I love it.

Making an Impact

2009-05-18T06:00:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we don't realize how we impact another person's life. Yesterday I had the opportunity to find out I had done just that.

At church we are encouraged to go up and greet people midway through the service who we don't know. If they are sitting alone we can welcome them. I saw a woman sitting in the back and went up and introduced myself.

She said she knew who I was. She said I still looked the same as I did in school thirty years ago. I thanked her and asked her what her name was. She told me but I couldn't place her. I asked her who she ran around with back then. She told me no one, that she had been a loner and that I was the only one who would really talk to her, that there were days she felt like not going on and I would start talking to her.

I apologized and told her I had a stroke a couple of years ago that plays with my memory at times. I honestly could not place her. She said life had been a little rough memory wise for her as well and she had gotten into drugs. I told her I would love to talk to her after the service but I stayed for something else and when I looked for her she had slipped out.

I told my mom about her. I think I was suppose to feel good about what she said to me but I felt so bad about not remembering her.

School can be a lonely time for people. We moved a lot and there were a few times I was lonely and there were times when I was right in the thick of the coolest kids with sleepovers every weekend and dances and lake parties and football games.

I'm still not sure how I feel but if I was nice to her in school then I am glad. I just wish I could remember her. I honestly don't know if it was the stroke but my mama said she never heard me mention her name and never brought her home.

We can impact someone's life without even realizing it. I'm glad I got that reminder yesterday.

2009-05-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel my age. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet the one I am meant to be with. Sometimes I wonder if I am the reason I am not.

Dusty loved me. I have never once doubted that. I know he will always love me in his own way and he reminds me it was my choice. We are still good friends, though. In fact he is coming here tomorrow on his way to his nephew's graduation.

I do not regret most things in my life. In fact I have lived a wonderful one in a lot of ways and a heartbreaking one in others. I talked to my son's ex Commander at the Pentagon Wednesday morning and he said I was a fighter for my son all this time. I just think I did what any mom would do.

I'm in the beginnings of a new relationship. I do not know where it is going and I don't really care. I just want to enjoy it and we both know if it doesn't work out in the end we have made a wonderful friend in each other. But after the past couple of years that I have had, this person is already giving me so much in a way that only one of you knows about. He has helped me get past something that happened over the past year and a half. He has helped me find ME again. For that, I will always care about him.

He likes sports. He likes joking around. He likes living and friends and having fun. He likes motorcycles like I like writing and he understands my passion for it. He knows I am scared to move forward and he respects that.

He said the most amazing thing to me the other night.

I don't want to create a partner, I want to have one.

He is from the same place an ex is from and for that alone I didn't want to give this a try but I am so glad I did. Because whatever happens, it will happen like it did with Dusty and Starsky. We will still be friends.

But like he said...let's give it a shot on account of US and no one else.

We are even talking about going to North Carolina in July. He just took a trip there and he knows I love that area so if so I am going to look up Deni. (Okay, L, if you see this I confess...I have blog and YES this is about you.) He knows I write and he has looked at a couple of things of mine so I am sure he will see this as well. But I think I will tell him I blog anyway.

I went to help with the food charity at my church yesterday and a young couple there told me they could not believe I had a son their age. She said I hope I look like you when I am 46. I took that as a compliment. I have been doing a lot of exercise and active things the last couple of months and I love it.

So sometimes I feel my age but it's only when I am feeling lonely. Those times are few and far between these days because of my writing, my kids, my church involvment, my exercising, my friends, and my special friend, L.

Oh and he is 50 and looks 40 himself. So maybe we do have it. LOL.

2009-05-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

I had a nice Mother's Day. I hope you other moms did, too.

I will spend a little time getting back to some of the favorite blogs I used to visit. I'm sorry but all I can say is life got in the way of blogging but I am back now. Only one of you knows the true story and I will be forever grateful for that friendship and you know who you are.

Something interesting happened yesterday involving my younger son and my stroke history. I'd like to share that.

Jeremy came in from the store yesterday. He handed me an Arizona Green Tea. Now, I really like those. I drink them more frequently during Lent when I am giving up coffee and I switch them out with my Diet Dr. Pepper.

Now both Jeremy and Becky who you guys have heard about and who gets on to me from time to time (she is an awesome friend), both have gotten on to me about my Diet Dr. Pepper because of the aspartame in it. Both believe it contributed to my stroke.

Yesterday, Jeremy handed me an Arizona Green Tea. He has repeatedly told me that he doesn't want me to drink diet dr pepper because of the aspartame. Guess it doesn't matter that he smokes.

Today I made the decision to cut out Diet Dr Pepper and switch full time to the green tea. I told Jeremy. He didn't say anything. He just smiled. Okay, he said "Tight" which apparently means cool?

Oh, and he sent me to bingo with his granny for Mother's Day.

I love you, Jeremy. I love you, Josh and Julia.

2009-05-09T11:44:00.001-07:00

First, Happy Mother's Day tomorrow to all you wonderful moms out there!

It's up! It's running! It's got samples! I made a sale! Customer said finished product was "gorgeous" and "phenomenal". Sample of this one is first sample on site.

www.poetryportraits.webs.com

The other two websites for my printed books and ebooks will be up in the next week to ten days.

Woohoo!!

Texting Through the Night Leads to a Song...Caution...This is Fiction, People

2009-05-06T05:55:00.000-07:00

Him: Come see me. I miss you.

Her: I can't.

Let me come see you.

It's late. I'm tired.

Mystical Memory Maker.

Desired Dream.

Bravely Believing.

Sorta Scared.

Wondering Why?

Previous Pain.

Prevented Potential.

Maybe so.

I want to call you and tell you goodnight.

Okay.

Phone rings.

Hello?

Hi Baby, just wanted to tell you goodnight and I'll be seeing you in our dreams.

He said "Good night, darling, I'll see you in our dreams"
And as she laid the phone down, she nearly hit her knees.
Did God really send him? she asked within her mind:
Could this be the start of freeing the ties that bind.

The man she once had loved just sought to tear her down;
But this one wouldn't give up hope that she would come around.
He knew she was scared to trust after what she had been through;
But he whispered to her "Baby, I'm not giving up on you."

They talked for hours about their separate lives;
He told her they were similar and meant to give this a try.
He told her he was there for her and would never let her down;
If she would just give them a chance, he would always be around.

He said "I have no secrets, my life's an open book;
And you're the final chapter if you will take a look"
He told her "Just take your time but I am here for you"
Then he told her that he loved her and would help her see this through.

He said "Good night, darling, I'll see you in our dreams;
But one night soon, you'll know I"m your destiny"
So many texts, so many calls throughout the day and night;
She felt herself getting close to him, she knew that he was right.

She told him she loved that phrase he'd said the night before;
He told her he would always love her more and more.
He told her that he loved her and he would never leave;
And that every night he'd hold her in his arms...and in their dreams.

Something New for Mother's Day

2009-05-01T12:08:00.001-07:00

Hi all!

I know I haven't hardly blogged much the last couple of years. First, I took a job that was extremely physical to show I could do it after having my stroke. Now I am putting 100% of myself into my biggest dream...writing.

I am writing full-time. I love it. I am also exercising...I went JOGGING this morning! Woohoo!!

I have started a poetry portrait website. For years family and friends have asked me to do these for them and I am turning it into a business.

It's at www.poetryportraits.webs.com

I still have some stuff to do. Not being computer literate (as some of you know), I am still struggling to get my samples on there but I know I will figure it out eventually.

For Mother's Day I have a special. Locally I am doing fine but I am still not too savvy about the internet part. I know there is shipping and handling so I have an internet special.

If you would like a Mother's Day poem written just for someone special in your life that can be emailed to you, the cost is 7.50. If you would like it on a lovely background and in a frame and shipped, it will be 20.00 and this will INCLUDE the shipping.

I will also do a similar special for graduations and brides. In fact, if you email me, this same special for Mother's Day will apply to any special occasion you request it for.

Have a great day all!

OMG I did It

2009-04-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

I applied for Big Brother.

Those of you who KNOW me...you know what that means.

Now...the question is...will you root for me if I am selected and not tossed out the first night?

There are 70 freaking questions...geez! A background check I'm not scared of. 7o questions!!!!!

Oh, you can't run for public office within a year of being on BB. Wow.

Oh, they want your tshirt size and swim suit size
I am NOT going nude with three kids and my grandkids watching
I am NOT wearing a two piece with a boyfriend watching.

Ok, NOW I know why they get people on there who are in fights in personal lives...geez.

Um...Skunk? if you get a phone call from BB, it's not a scam...you are the one I put down that I most want to meet next to Peter Strauss...lol.

But they probably won't pick me/us (Skunk) cause I had to tell them about my stroke since it was in the last ten years. But I DID let them know I still play frontyard football and soccer and softball so only a wienie would hold my stroke against me.

OMG. I applied for Big Brother. I MUST be crazy.